just me and the Swiffer

Last night I was swiffering the kitchen floor. (I don't ever mop the "real way;" I once dumped soapy water on the floor and let the kids skate on towels, until somebody got hurt - should have seen that one coming). So, Belle and Christian were soundly tucked, and I was literally getting up the residue of our day (or days) and replaying what a sweet one we'd had. It involved my beautiful t-ball player and the way she hops in place on base as she waits for the next batter or twirls in circles in whatever position she's in... and of Christian and our awesome time playing with his little army men; we sorted all those tiny plastic guys and stood them up on his floor and then fired his miniature pirate cannon ball at them. He rattled off hilarious quotables... But, I was reliving these in my head and wishing so deeply that I could share. I thought of my friends who lie in bed with their spouses (or at the very least talk during commercials!) and marvel or chat about their kids, laughing at their silliness or praising the Lord for their shear beauty... dag gummit (I feel the sting now), I just wanted "my someone" to say out loud, "Isn't she amazing? Isn't he the funniest thing ever?" And then... I felt it. I felt the reply, coupled with overwhelming chills. And I knew.

I didn't remember. He reminded me, within my spirit. Tell Me, child.
And I spoke - out loud.


"Lord, isn't he just the funniest thing!? Don't you just love how Christian... how Christian is just soooo Christian! Lord, you made him to want to protect and provide and you made him stinkin hilarious. Lord, you are so amazingly funny" And I went on... out loud, and I felt that lonely blanket sever, injected by chills of the holy spirit and of that listening ear, the God who sees... me. And I praised Him. And, I knew that my God loves Christian and Belle more than I do, and He gets a kick out of them MORE THAN I DO. And He delights in talking about them with me!
and leaves His mark: my hair on end.

ugh... how amazing.

I was left (but not really left... just still swiffering) laughing with pure happiness - once again, out loud, and praising Him that in the lonely, I am NEVER alone.


I'm going to re-read Angela Thomas's My Single Mom Life. When I read it's first pages, I wept. I'm not sure I've ever felt so connected to another human's book. I'll leave you with this quote followed by another.



From p. 37:

I don't think other people believe that single moms are all that lonely.
We've got kids who live with us, and those brilliant little minds are always
coming up with a million things for us to do for them. And single moms are
ridiculously busy, they reason, so how could we be lonely? We are balancing and
multitasking more than any sane human being should have to. But maybe that in
itself is a part of it. When you are holding up the world, all by yourself,
fatigue sets in. Everyone assumes you can be strong because you are getting it
all done, but no one wants to be that strong. And really, no one
should have to be. Eventually the fatigue is overwhelming, and being tired just
makes you lonelier.

Loneliness maybe more than anything, has been my greatest struggle these
past years. There have been a lot of other heart-wrenching struggles, but
loneliness is the thread that has woven through everything. Honestly, not a day
goes by, even the craziest, most productive and extraordinary ones, when my heart
doesn't yearn for someone to share it with. God made each of us for
companionship. Healthy, loving, nurturing companionship. and the person who
tries to live as though that's not true is just pretending.

and this, His direct Word:

22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. 23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. (Psalm 73 - NLT)

I've always loved reliving my day - out loud, and...

hand-holding.

"Lisa called the other night when the kids were away. "what are you doing?" she asked.

"Just over here alone with my dang integrity," I told her.

"Oh, stop it," she said, laughing. "Take your integrity and go to bed."

Big smile. to bed, I
shall go!