My dot on HIS line

bubble gum on a Bible

2010-04-05T05:55:00.000-07:00

Saturday night, I discovered that Christian's Bible, new as of September, still had a glob of gooey, sticky, pink bubble gum on the front of its leather cover.

"Son! Come. Here!"

"Didn't I tell you to wash this off?! This is unacceptable. This is not how we treat God's Word."

"Yes, mam. I'm sorry, I couldn't get it off."

Obviously he hadn't tried hard enough!

-Sigh-

"Bring me a warm, wet washcloth; I'll help you scrub it off."

My 6 yr-old scurried out and returned with washcloth in hand. I set about showing him the proper way to remove the gum. Ugh! Christian was right - it wasn't coming off!

Thinking like one with experience in the school system, I thought, "Ah, we need to scrape it off."

"Okay, buddy, let's scrape it off with these scissors."

Not working well... not working well at all.

Christian's hands now gooey. Bible still a mess.

Frustrated.

That's when the Holy Spirit showed me.

I held up the Bible.

"Christian, do you know what this reminds me of?"

"That it's not okay?"

I held his face gently, as tears formed in my eyes. "Baby, this is just like my sin and your sin. We can try and try to scrub and scrape it off, but it won't work. Who do we need to make us clean?"

"God."

"Oh yes, Baby! We need God who sent our Jesus to die to make us clean. God loved His son sooo much, but He new we couldn't get it off. So He sent Him here to die for you and for me."

Now Christian sobs.

I sob.

The grace of the moment overwhelms us both, as a mommy and a son very much in need of a Savior hold each other, and the Spirit allows us to once again see the Truth.

That night, I let my children read me the Easter story, in their own beds - a gift stamped and delivered with the word "MERCY."

Oh sweet mercy.

kellybollman.com

2010-03-28T18:57:00.001-07:00

www.kellybollman.com

I have so much catching up to do, so I'll make big plans for that to happen over our Spring Break! But in the meantime...

I have a new art website! I'm thrilled.

Can you believe how awesome this homepage that Jessi designed looks?! She is so talented!

The Lord has granted me with some serious desire to paint during this season of life -

so if you want a painting, know somebody that might want a painting, want to tell your husband that you want a painting for say... Mother's Day, it would be an absolute blessing to get started.

Storming and stuff

2010-02-21T18:36:00.000-08:00

Time to catch up.

There was a snow"storm" a while back. :)

Christian lost his first tooth!

I've been painting up a storm too.

I think this one is finished.

This one is not... here's a close-up of the work in progress.

A good book, anyone?

2010-02-01T17:20:00.000-08:00

If you are one of the few that have not read this book, you will not regret adding it to your "to-read" list. It's one of those that stays with you. Had to mention that!

What is one of your lastest good reads? I'm looking for some new books. :)

Painting

2010-01-24T14:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, this weekend I focused on PAINTING! woohoo :) This portrait is most definitely formal or traditional (what the client requested). The photos aren't great. I had to take them indoors, as it was raining and didn't have great light... but you get the idea.

Love this little guys' chubby cheeks!!!

At any rate, I had FUN doing this!

#5

2010-01-24T08:40:00.001-08:00

See that guy on the far left. That's John, Belle and Christian's Daddy. He has been in the US for almost 8 months (stationed in Italy & deployed to Afghanistan for 3 years prior), and this week he'll head out to Haiti. John's an Army Medic and will do an amazing job caring for people. I'm excited that he will be performing his passion. I'm excited that hurting people (beyond what I can imagine) will be receiving more care. John teaches classes on battlefield medicine. Right now Haiti, looks to me, comparable or worse than any battlefield. Expert crisis care is what they need. My heart is so glad for all of this.

John will be gone for 3 months or more. So, I pray for my babies' hearts, which had just gotten use to having a Daddy nearby. My most fervent prayers though are for what the Lord will do in the heart of that man in this picture (taken on our ski trip a week ago). The Lord has put me on a mission to pray for him.

I, of course, pray for all of those who are on a mission to help the suffering people in Haiti and for the very people, themselves, who are enduring circumstances that any blog cannot do justice.

Will you join me?

Thank you friends.

5 peeks

2010-01-23T13:11:00.001-08:00

1. It's been a great day! These happen every so often. You know the kind, where your closets and drawers are stuffed with CLEAN CLOTHES, that made it out of the basket, got folded and actually put away in the (gasp!) saaaammmeee day.

2. This message by Andy Stanley was beyond good (the Lord causes some serious wisdom to spill out of that man's mouth) and perhaps gave me a push towards such "go-get-'em-ness". I listened to it while typing in grades this week at school. Perhaps you can check it out during a jog or tackling your own laundry!

3. I think God might have taught me how to paint like a big girl, today. I'm painting a portrait, and I just might post a pic when it's done. I'm also working on an 8 ft. sign for someone else. It's a delight to do what I love, while my kids play in the same room as me.

4. One of the trillions of things I've underlined in this study, One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer is this quote, which caused me to ink up a page again:

"As we consider the possibilities of what might go wrong if we step out and do as God says, we slowly convince ourselves that the possibility of the negative is more trustworthy than God."

5. ...

Out of time! I'm going to save this one for a post tomorrow.

2 under 2

2010-01-09T10:13:00.001-08:00

Hey friends!
I just had to send out a word of encouragement to any Mommy of young babes or babes-to-be! My children are 18 months apart in age. When I was toting my 14 month-old around AND wearing maternity clothes people looked at me and even asked, "Did you do that on purpose?!" Well, God did. But, I'll be honest, I was overwhelmed at the sight of the pregnancy stick, later when I was vomiting due to morning sickness with a toddler following me into the bathroom, and certainly in the days when I'd care for one while breast-feeding the other and loading the dryer. :)

BUT! Let me tell you. Mine are 6 & 7, currently, and have been playing Legos together, happily for the past hour!!! I didn't say, "Hey, why don't you go play Legos?" They just spontaneously did this... and they're singing a made up song together... oh wait, they just transitioned to the Jackson 5's "Rockin Robin." hilarious
Remarkably, this is NOT uncommon.

So, be encouraged!!! It is a sweet sweet BLESSING to have children so close together. Was it hard 6 years ago? You betcha. Would I trade this for ANYTHING? Not on your life.

2 and 3

2010-01-02T07:08:00.000-08:00

And two more resolutions

So clearly putting these in writing is key, since I thought, "crud, what were the other two???" as I began to type.

#2 Put photos in albums

Aha! Already off to an excellent start here.

One present for Christmas was a camera. Great gift. Needed it. Problem is I'm not a fan of pics all over my computer that never get printed and leisurely laughed over. Solution is to print them as they are taken and put into albums. Christmas pics are printed and in album. CHECK!

#3 Use the "envelope system" EVERY month with my budget.

This works for me. I spend too much on little things at Target or Wal-Mart or even the grocery store, when I have my debit card handy. So, I'm challenging myself to leave the debit card at home or in the car and take in only the cash I'm okay with spending. Gotta do the same with the eating out cash (aka drive thrus).

...Biting my lower lip - I can do this!

2009-12-30T08:28:00.000-08:00

3 New Year Resolutions (part uno)
…three because that’s how many gifts baby Jesus received… Wait, no, that’s not it (giggling!); three because it’s just practical (right Jess? – wink).

#1 Cook Dinner 3 nights a week
Once again, the number three is just doable. I got really used to the soccer/football schedule creating zero time to cook a decent meal. I managed to throw frozen chicken in the crockpot like twice a month and whip up the occasional something else – let’s be honest – about four other times during the months of September through November. My other excuses include the fact that I have no adult other than myself to cook for, so… you know, you just lose an ounce of inspiration while preparing for K-2 tastebuds, and B) that I went through a cooking phase a couple of years ago and managed to grow bored with those top 5 recipes. Oh wait, there is also excuse C or D (or are we at E??…): I simply dislike finding the hour I tend to take to pull together the grocery list.

But alas, I want to be the Mommy who brings the family to the table to enjoy something with a tad more nutritional value than grilled cheese or its Mexicano friend, the quesadilla. Here’s my twenty-ten plan: prepare shopping lists for 3 meals/week that include meat, veggie, and perhaps a starch or additional vegetable of some sort. On the other days, we can eat leftovers, grilled cheese, or whatever floats our boat.

Help a mother out! I want the link to one of your favorite recipes. Of course, kid-friendly is great, but I’m all for teaching them to try new things.

p.s. I recommend the flick, Julie and Julia, for cooking inspiration. I found this movie delightful, and talked like Meryl Streep as Julia Childs for a good 30 mins. afterwards.

p.p.s. I live in a town where interesting ingredients do not exist. A fresh bay leaf is exotic here. For real.

and a time for...

2009-12-19T16:58:00.000-08:00

I had a moment to share. I was going to pop in and just share a snippet of what I've done differently this year with my wrapping, and I'm still going to share. But before I began to type, I checked in on two other blogs. This one and this one. Sobering. And fitting.

For there is a time for everything.

A time for bawling over loneliness and a time for laughing at the days to come. A time for weeping and praying for those in tragedy and a time for making a mess in the den with your kids.

"Silver Bells" was playing on the radio today. Christian was singing along, "silver bells, silver bells... soon it will be 'Jesus' birthday'." Oh, sweet grace. It has sunk into my children's hearts that this is one giant birthday celebration. This is a time for the most precious party for the most precious miracle.

So now, the time for the light-hearted bit. I choose my wrapping paper fairly carefully each year, to at least have some sort of color theme. But, as for the bows... oh the bows, they've been lacking. So when I saw these in a magazine, I new just what I was going to do! And so I now have finished adding these crazy fun poms to the gifts and I love them.

Some are nice and tight like the ones in the picture, and some look like Fraggle Rock hair, and I love those too.

And that is Christmas.

No, really.

It is the silly silly light-hearted decorate a cookie with your kid meets hearts breaking over a Mommy or Daddy gone forever, and in the midst....

peace. Jesus.

IT FELL.

2009-12-08T12:21:00.000-08:00

Yes. My vacuum cleaner is in the shop (cord came out).
And yes, today my real live (in the "ultimate Christmas tree stand" tree fell, while I was sitting beside it wrapping presents.
And yes, I did spend oh, 3-5 hours putting the sucker up 2 weeks ago.
Yes, I have lots and lots of ornaments. 200+
Yes, at least half of them fell off.
Yes, I acted more like Clark Griswold than Jesus... oh yes!
Yes, one present got soaken wet from the water spilling out of the tree stand.
And yes, I will be the proud owner of a pre-lit ARTIFICIAL tree next year.

Please giggle. I am now smiling and mess is now cleaned up. Thank you mama for letting me borrow your vacuum cleaner! Happy Monday friends!

New Header

2009-12-08T05:33:00.001-08:00

Well, Belle is home sick today, and so I actually have the chance to insert my fabulous blog header. Jessi did this for me and I LOVE IT. :) So, see her for all your design needs.
Perhaps I'll be back for an actual post before January. ;)

pictures!

2009-11-19T08:50:00.000-08:00

I have to show you the WONDERFUL pictures my sweet sweet friend Brooke took of us last weekend. Here's the link to her blog. What a wonderful photographer and precious spirit she is!

THANK YOU BROOKE!

a while

2009-11-15T11:39:00.000-08:00

It's been a while. God told me He had a special present for me... a promise. I was so tickled. I got little "notices in the mail" letting me know that yes, my package was on the way. Friends agreed and were joyful with me. "Oh, praise Him, what a good gift this will be!" "I know!" I gushed, "I can hardly wait!" (I've hardly been waiting well, for sure.)

"Well, Lord, I know it's coming so I trust you," I'd pray. And I'd do another Tuesday, and hope that Wednesday would be the day.
Tears were shed when the "promised gift" still hadn't arrived weeks later.
(There may have even been one or two verbal "I-can't-do-this-any-longer fits.")

And here we are, making Christmas lists again, and I find myself looking back on so much of the same. I find myself needing my quiet time more than ever and yet wondering if that will be enough. Will those words mean much today?

And I sat. My sweet Father delivered this message to my heart.
Ephesians 3:19.
Lord, why do I do day after day? Waiting on promises? I want that gift so badly! You are the one that told me to look forward to it! Why must I do Monday and Tuesday and Wednesday and Thursday and another November and December and January and February (you know how I dislike winter!) and then hold my breath until Spring and then hope and then hope some more and...

Ephesians 3:19, He says.

To know (come to know...in a judicial sense, to know by trial, to learn, find out, to believe) this love that surpasses knowledge (present and fragmentary knowledge) - that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

"So that you will BELIEVE by experiencing life with ME who I AM beyond what you see today.
You see, child, you would never begin to know the depth of my unfailing love, without days of experiencing it.
The past January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August, September, and October have been about my love.
Today is about my love.
And when he comes home that will be about My love and just the sweetest drop of foreshadowing to the gush of love that is our Groom - the return of Glory, our Emmanuel once again."

with us.

Thank Yous!!!

2009-09-20T18:00:00.000-07:00

My Dad and I were having a conversation about my maternal grandparents a couple of weeks ago. He said, "I remember when your great-grandfather once told me, 'Always remember to have an attitude of gratitude.' " And my Dad said, he never forgot that advice. I never knew this great-grandfather, but hearing his wisdom years later is part of a precious legacy.

So... as I start this week, finding myself wishing once again that I was a stay-at-home Mom who would wake up and make her kids breakfast, then take them to school, then come BACK HOME to tackle managing my household...

instead, I choose (inspite of myself!) to be grateful...

*That my computer that was going so slooooooooooowwww.... I mean, I had actual thoughts o having it worked on... and it fixed itself!

*That my garage door now opens and closes again - thanks to my stepdad!

*That John lives so close, and can chop wood and build fires and set up tents and roast the perfect marshmallow and/or hotdog and protect his kids from creepy sounds... for a wonderful bday party & campout! That after the campout that same Daddy made time to play "lightsabers" and legos with his kids. Thank you sweet, Lord.

*That 6 years ago this treasure of a friend was there for the birth of my precious boy. And has been my friend now for 10 years and celebrated her 28th bday this week. (love you katie!)

*And that I am a momma to some amazing kids, the daughter to Believing parents, and most importantly part of Abraham's seed and an heir to the King.

Free trip!

2009-09-13T18:00:00.000-07:00

Well, pretty much free.

The kids and I had a great Saturday at the Ripley's Aquarium in Myrtle Beach. It truly is fanastic to be only 2 hrs. from the ocean, AND it was "Teacher Appreciation weekend" there, so we got FREE tickets and things like this pic (that normally would have cost $20!!! - gasp)

They even gave me that little gift bag with a mug and coupons. I felt truly appreciated! :) Don't my kids look so old!? That handsome guy in the red shirt has a bday on Tues. He also currently would like to be a scuba diver when he grows up, so this was perfect for some pre-bday fun. We did the whole petting the stingrays thing... which wow! who knew you could hand feed them?

Then we spent the rest of the day here...

@ Myrtle Beach State Park. I spent $4 to park and the weather was gorgeous. We walked down the pier, had double scoops of ice-cream, played with other people's kids and made something that looked like a sand sculpture of a seaturtle. (what else do you do with collapsed sandcastles?)

AND, we made it back in time for the football game! ahhhhh. Really really great day.

Feelin like a Monday, but lovin these...

2009-09-08T17:52:00.001-07:00

Alas, no working camera... not yet anyhow!

But, I'd like to potentially waste the next 5 mins. or so by sharing my top 5 most recent faves:

1. one-on-one kid time: football with Christian and shopping/doing nails with Belle

2. neti-pot... life changer

3. new 7 min. bedtime devotional with kids. We're only on day 3, but this is soooooo helpful with the consistency and application when my brain is sooo tired all three of us need some guidance.

4. NO MORNING DUTY. Also life-changing. I love the extra 15 mins. or so that this equals. Also, my babes are at the same school, so we're just not in quite the rush. Which, means most importantly that I can spend a little more time with my sweet Lord. How did I ever survive without Him starting my day!!!!? oh wait...

let's think back on those years - yeah, that explains it.

5. Getting my friend fix. Like I did 2 weekends ago with these fabulous ladies, who made my bday rock.

And this one who I got to see in back-to-back weekends. And three more wonderful phone calls with more favorites who I've been playing phone tag with for a month. Love love love my friends!

And, yipee tomorrow is Wed. and soon will be Friday and SATURDAY. And that leads me to #6:

I still heart Gamecock football. And confess that I'm thoroughly looking forward to this game:

bullets

2009-08-26T18:40:00.000-07:00

worked for a full week. still love my job. loved staying at home this summer better. BUT really love my job.
can't wait to see friends this weekend.
my kids really love school and I love seeing their sweet faces hop off the bus daily
Belle has a haircut. How am I the mother of this giant child? She looks like 9!
Christian now wears "styling paste" to school. he's cool like Daddy. ...I love his sweaty little head in the afternoons - so sweet.
it's past my bedtime already
hoping to have a working camera for a bday weekend post!!!!

Geez-looeeze, maybe i oughta update

2009-08-07T19:44:00.000-07:00

Okay so I feel super snuggly and content.
Summer has been a joy to spend.
It's still my favorite.
I adore "playing" stay-at-home mom, but you know, something about fresh school (in my case - art) supplies makes it alright to head on back. That and I know the Lord hasn't told me to quit. So, here I am typing in short, uneloquent sentences.

Check back in. Maybe God will make me witty or wise. (Like he made Ellen funny that summer! -love that Ellen!) But for now, I'll try to post a pic of my kids looking like really cute here and there, or quote someone else less chilled out than myself.

I'm not lacking passion. Just soaking in contentment. And you know, how it is... in a great bath, or a deep cup of delicious coffee, or with your toes curled in sand on the perfect, not-to-hot, breezy day... there just aren't so many words, but a whole lot of AHHHHHH. So here's my big ole smile of contentment (chalk that up as a gift from the Lord), and my "Hi" to my blog-reading friends out there. See you soon.
p.s. Mel, as Chicago would say "you're the inspiration." yep, i read Leigh's comments. haha!
p.p.s. on a further random note, "Look Away" is still a really good song. haha. wow. goodnight.

sweeter than

2009-05-04T17:57:00.000-07:00

Just wanted to say that I love sweet sweet friends, old and new (like the ladies pictured above). I had an amazing weekend at Folly Beach, and was beyond blessed by what the Lord's doing in each woman's life, not to mentioned humbled that He let me even be there!

I'm not sure I'll be posting anytime soon.

But, let's just say, this is a sweet sweet season:

there's the little rumble of a thunderstorm outside my window, only a few weeks until summer, and one giant dose of HOPE in my heart. I love you, friends. You make the journey sweeter than homemade icecream. whoa - now that's somethin'

confessions of a procrastinator

2009-03-25T14:10:00.000-07:00

UPDATE HERE, SUNDAY 3/29: I AM PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT THE LETTERS ARE COMPLETED! Thanks guys for the accountability!

Okay I need some accountability here! I agreed to paint some little wooden letters like this:

for a former co-worker ummmmm.... about 6 (ouch) months ago. When she asked, I said, "Sure, no problem!"
Now, there wasn't exactly a deadline, but um, yes, I think that she reasonably expected to see them back and painted all cutesy like 2 weeks after she gave them to me. Now, I had them sitting out where I could see them for forever, but I got tired of that bag telling me what a bad former co-worker/word-keeper I was, so I stashed them away in my "craft closet." But I think they mock me from behind the door. In their little bag, they call out, "You should paint me! You shouldn't put this off any longer...you're a bad, bad woman, that doesn't do things she ought to!"

"Procrastination is attitude's natural assassin. There's nothing so fatiguing as an uncompleted task."- William James

In that case, I'm exhausted!

So, I'M DOING IT FOLKS! I WILL AT LEAST PAINT 2 OF THOSE WOODEN LETTERS TONIGHT!

What have you put off??? Comment with what task you'll scratch off your brain's list! I'm excited!

Here I Am

2009-03-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

Here I am. Pooped, Mommy of 2 precious children, sitting in jogging pants, tank and Wal-mart "track jacket." Thinking about this week. Lincoln Brewster's Amazed playing on my laptop... from somebody else's blog's playlist (I don't have my own music or an ipod, not that I wouldn't, but i don't) :) -

Oh, I love this simple simple life. I do.

I love that Belle had her first sleepover birthday last Friday night.
I love that I'm the mom of a 7 yr-old. That's hilarious, isn't it!? They were so sweet. But I felt like the silly babysitter, not the mom. But, yep, I was IN CHARGE. hahaha

I love that this week I got up way too early for this so-called "night person," sipped my coffee, soaked up time with my Lord, cuddled up under my green throw, and wanted the clock to freeze - it didn't - went to work, laughed with silly middle schoolers and came home and cooked and took the kids to the places we needed to go and cleaned the kitchen and put in loads of laundry and swept the dirt off the kitchen floor ten-hundred times and dried off their cutie bodies and read them books in bed and said prayers and kissed and tucked them, tucking snapshots and whispers in my heart...
and woke up and did it all over again.

I love that I had no time to post the 6 other pictures of Belle that i thought I would, because i've fallen in love with early bedtimes.

I love that I've begun to love books. yes, I am a big girl now. yeah right - but getting there
I love the phone conversations that I've had with treasured friends, that my mom is there for me in a precious way, though I know our polar opposite personalities can drive one another bonkers. haha, I love my Mom.

I love that the only reason I excercised was because Christian and I were playing chase, attempting to fly a kite, and playing some baseball. Oh, and because those darn pine cones and pinestraw just won't pick themselves up.

I love that when i get off my "hiney-boot," as a friend of mine calls it, I find JOY.
Doesn't make sense does it? Seems like a cozy coach and a giant TV would make me the happiest. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but the way the Lord's wired me, and I think most of us, from what Proverbs (amongst others) :) alludes... there is Joy in doing life. Doing.

So may these "I loves" echo as "Thank YOUs!"

"You dance over me, while I am
unaware.... You sing all around, but I never hear the sound... "
Looking back on these two weeks, I see you Lord.
I hear you Lord.
I love you, LORD!

7 for Belle - year one... more to come!

2009-03-07T17:54:00.000-08:00

Sweet "Ibba", "Belly-boo," "Sissy,"

my Isabelle, and everyone's just "Belle" will turn the big SEVEN in seven days! This sweet girlie weighed in at 7 lbs 7.7 oz.

And on her 1st birthday, still had no hair... well, barely any! She did, however have lots of teeth. This year, she is missing LOTS of teeth! haha

Here's a pre-cake photo from 2003:

And - after the cake! That look of "What have I done!? I ate the WHOLE THING!" Ah yes, Belle has lost many teeth, 7 actually (for real), but the sweet tooth has not been one of them!!

Gonna Miss This Moment

2009-03-07T17:12:00.001-08:00

For a day filled with moments (thank you Sweet Lord for 75 degree heavenly weather!), it's hard to pick just one. But I'll surely miss the endings to my children's days, where we cuddle up to read all together in my bed, and then they run in their cutie pjs to their little beds, we pray, and I tuck them each in.

Our latest read is The Boxcar Children. Which, seriously, if you're worried about the economy... just read The Boxcar Children. They knew, like Paul, all ya need is food and clothes. That shall be enough. Anyhow - on to my moment!!!

Tonight, as I was tucking Christian into bed, loving the smell of his freshly shampooed head,

he says sweetly, "You pray first, Mommy"

"Okay baby. Dear God,..."

****PPPEWWW PPPEWWW... Gun-like, alarm-kinda-like, crazy noise sounds from deep beneath his covers. I knew at once - the Power Ranger phone!*****

My eyes flash open, and his are open WIDE

And then comes the laugh. Christian has a laugh that starts in his belly and shoots out the corners of his eyes. He couldn't stop laughing and neither could I!

I will truly miss bedtime with my babes, and yes, crazy little toys that make absurd noises at ANY GIVEN MOMENT!

Thanks Pam for inspiring this weekly reflection.

Hair!

2009-03-02T09:59:00.000-08:00

So Jessi had this wonderful post and has fabulous hair, and I definitely want to be like her. So... I'm giving it a whirl. I think I'll love it in about 2 months. Seriously, I need some growth and practice. But, letting my crazy... wavy, thick hair air-dry is fun! So, why not!!

Here are the webcam pics, since my poor camera needs duct tape to keep the battery part shut... therefore the battery constantly shuts off - ugh. :) oh well, here they are.

Okay, time for productivity!

You're Gonna Miss This... moment!

2009-02-28T10:43:00.000-08:00

My new friend Pam does these moments weekly!!! Be sure to check her's out!

I was actually planning to participate this week... and was thinking of what I might do, when my children said, "Mommy, you're invited to join us for a COWBOY TEA PARTY!"

Oh, what a delightful combo ! It included cheese whiz, honey, saltines, chocolate chips, water, one hand-painted tea set and my favorite cowgirl and cowboy - EVER. I love them dearly! Oh, how I will miss drinking water from tiny cups.

Droppin some quotes... simmer time

2009-02-23T18:37:00.001-08:00

The following are the words of Fulton J. Sheen. Here's what I'd love. I would love for you to read both, jot them down in a journal if the idea fancies you, and then let me know which one most readily resonates with you and why.

1) "To love what is below the human is degradation; to love what is human for the sake of the human is mediocrity; to love the human for the sake of the Divine is enriching; to love the Divine for its own sake is sanctity."

2) ...in reference to earthly trials...

"No human being has a choice of whether he will go through life with or without suffering, because this is to a great extent beyond his control. But each one has this choice: Will the suffering open on a Cross and therefore see the joy beyond, or will it be closed to the Cross and therefore be the beginning of hell on earth?"

5 mid-week FAVS!

2009-02-04T11:31:00.001-08:00

(Don't ya'll think favs should be spelled faves... )

#1 My precious little boy in this hilarious hat

#2 That it snowed TWO TIMES THIS WINTER... and TODAY was one of those times!!!

I was just thinking how much I disliked winter yesterday, and frowned upon the yucky brown grass, and then! this morning it was sparkly and white... and i didn't have to go to work, and.... i think i owe winter an apology.

#3 My precious precious childhood-all the way to-adulthood friend, Melanie, got married 4 days ago!

#4 And I got to hang out with some of my most favorite people, and don THESE SASSY SHOES.

#5 And... PEEK-A-BOO!!! Spring is actually on its way! Yipee!!!! Daffodils!

3 statements that rock my world - GO with His Grace and ROCK YOURS

2009-02-01T13:46:00.000-08:00

1."Too many assume that the reason people do not come to God is because they are ignorant; it is more generally true that the reason people do not come to God is because of their behavior."
-Fulton J. Sheen

2. THESE WORDS WHO IS LIKE A PEOPLE SAVED BY THE LORD?

3. "When, because of your faith, your life too becomes perceptibly different; when your reactions are quite opposite to what the situation seems to call for and your activities can no longer be explained in terms of your personality; that is when your neighborhood will sit up and take notice. In the eyes of the world, it is not our relationship with Jesus Christ that counts; it is our resemblance to HIM!" -Ray Stedman

...I enjoy intellectual folks. Conversation - the give and take of intelligent and/or witty thought, is fun for me. Great wit, in and of itself, causes me to applaud inwardly and laugh out loud, generally. I have a fondness for "characters," for humanness, for like-mindedness... and even differences, that seem mindful - perhaps well thought out.

I'm a people person. And I'm burdened. I'm burdened to see such fun, energetic, thought-making, education-taking, knowledgeable souls, living life on the outskirts. In chocolate terms, it's like watching people gnaw on tootsie rolls out in the cold when there's a Godiva fountain overflowing just inside.

Shoot. I never even won a school spelling bee. I can fit right in... in that average category. I can blend in with the best of em. But I've been down deep in the muck of behavior, where darkness and guilt parade. Where coldness dumbs and numbs out the reality of our choices, and we accept "meaninglessness," avoiding the battle. My prayer is for behaviors in harmony with my faith and a good conscience representative of His will. Lord make it so!

The Snowman!

2009-01-20T12:54:00.001-08:00

snow girl

2009-01-20T06:53:00.001-08:00

We're in the GRAY!!!!!

2009-01-19T12:02:00.000-08:00

UPDATE: 9:51 PM - THE GRAY HAS NOW MOVED EVEN FURTHER SOUTH... AND I THINK CHERAW MIGHT ACTUALLY BE IN THE WHITE ZONE!!! Please note that within the next 48 hours the weather channel claims my town can expect 1-3 inches of snow. Please also note the ABSOLUTE DELIGHT WITH WHICH I TELL YOU SO!!!!!!! I hope and pray that pics of my family creating even the tiniest of snowmen will follow this post.

dang that was good - apples, pepper-jack... chocolate quesadilla bliss

2009-01-11T10:34:00.000-08:00

My friend Stephanie told me about the most fabulous combination, which truly you all must try!

take a flour tortilla

spread some cream cheese on it (1/3 fat worked for me)

add a small amount of pepper jelly - you know that odd stuff that was quite the surprise as a kid on the Christmas finger-food spread...

add thinly sliced apples - i chose granny smith

and top it off with pepper jack cheese... i just cut some off of a block

Fold over- the cream cheese does a wonderful job of holding it all together and sealing the edges

Let it sizzle in a pan with a bit of oil... or use a griddle... or one of those $20 quesadilla makers...

Flip and delight in the wonder of the combo...wrapped in golden-brown crispness...

tis so yum

Um, and then for dessert... i did the cream cheese again, sprinkled some brown sugar and chocolate chips... folded over, sizzled, and bit into a bit of heaven.

Belle and Christian had chocolate all over their hands and faces. I just had a big ole smile on mine.

It would be wrong of me not to pass this on.

Need a dance??? Here's a little "You & i"

2009-01-04T15:31:00.000-08:00

So fun! Thanks Katie for sharing! Now get to dancin!

Wow.

2009-01-03T08:41:00.001-08:00

Friend, you have no idea.
There have been some things taking place in my life, oh and is it LIFE!!! - death has no place - ...that I feel are to remain private for this time... and precious in my heart.
A time for boldness and sharing will come and you can guarantee that I'll be ready to shout from the rooftops when that day is revealed.
HOWEVER - I feel complete freedom to share these words with you as my heartbeat for this most precious new year:
1. Let's start HERE!!
2. IN MY LIFE - how can that even be - HE has established such evidence of this truth.
3. Man B. Moore nailed it in her study of Esther with these words:
"Listen, Beloved. God's forte is life. He's just not willing to leave things dead. A paramount theme in Esther is what God can do when we resolve to obey and 'if I perish I perish.'
Any time He calls us to die, His purpose is to reveal larger life."
Soak that one up. Larger life - Amen!
4. And why the journey? Why the death in the first place???
5. and as i look back... I am praying for these words to imprint on my soul
...verses 19-25 nearly exactly correspond with my soul in those years of life...wow. and as I move into the second half of 27 and hit age 28, still so young, still humbly recognizing my obvious fallibility and desperation for a savior...
I move on as a woman with legs sturdied by FAITH and HIS FAITHFULNESS.
And it is well... really really really well with my soul.
Love you friends!
The possibilities are truly beyond what you could hope for.

2008-12-11T18:06:00.000-08:00

feeling like "almost there," turned into "never."

thinking we'd made it almost to the top. to see not so much the bottom, but an implausible crag, cut at an insurmountable smooth angle. no crevice to take hold of.
i can't.

on my face - reality of dryer thumping and playground-sandy floor

the REAL DEAL God speaks
my heart hears

"I AM the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob"
beating heart, beating faster!
"OH MY WORD!, I say, breathlessly - out loud."
"Yep, that's me."
my air spits out in a giggle... "yes, yes that is YOU."

"I WILL BRING YOU WHERE I AM BRINGING YOU."

real quick

2008-12-08T18:42:00.000-08:00

-Today, "Boy (the name) I'm praying for" (see below) didn't get to open his present because he was horrible for his teachers. Praying that tomorrow we get to play with the football my kids and I got for him!
-My son put rocks in the sink disposal. then we put macaroni down the drain. squishy macaroni noodles and rocks. gross. Rocks!? really. He's 5. not 2... and rocks???
aaah
-Leigh and Gray are adopting!!! How awesome. See here and here for more details.
Love them! These 2 have provided countless hours of free babysitting and LOVE for my children and me... for no reason. guess cause they know Jesus, and you do weird stuff like that when you do.
- Had a work conversation and another person talk about why they don't think it's important to go to church.
...could do a whole other post about my response...
but being a part of a growing church is flat out biblical. Satan loves nothing more for us to be isolated. So yeah, if you start with a Bible study being your "church"... then I'm thinking you're doing something great - not wrong. There's no card carry'in... letter of intention blah blah blah in the Bible. JUST incredibly intentional meeting together for the sake of JESUS' name, not so much coffee. Although, i do love the "Java stop" on the second floor of my church - just sayin.
Keepin this quick - so I won't go further. But it's about heart, relationship with Christ, seeking, following, obeying. WHO CARES WHAT THE PEOPLES SAY. done with that topic for now.
-My sweet sweet babies making good choices. "Mommy, I spilled the milk, and we thought about not telling you, but we decided to tell the truth." PRAISE YOU LORD! seriously, deception was at the heart of me from day 1, and was a mega struggle even into adulthood. (for the record: I would now classify it under semi-mega struggle amongst my other flaws)
-oh and ... bummer, got to work today, good hair day, feelin kinda cocky, and midday saw a full-length mirror for the first time and realized my pants were too short for my boots. ugh - now that's just straight up earth for you. oh me.
-G'nite!

Get a name

2008-12-04T18:50:00.000-08:00

Go get a name. Pray hard for that name. Percieve the HUGE-O miracle God can do in that life and the amazing human He created for PURPOSE.
Do it.

Long Middle School in Chee-RAW or Chu-Rawh or Shur-raw... South Carolina is where I spend my days - well, my mondays-fridays. The color-coded halls are filled with ghetto-poverty kids, redneck kids, lower-middle class black & white kids, middle-class black and white kids, with a sprinkling of other minorities thrown in and maybe like one rich kid - maybe. My heart and mind have been pouring over a couple names and faces and the snipit of life stories of a few.

Wow. Desperate for love and attention. DESPERATE. Soooo many have no Dad. Many have no mom or dad to speak of. One kid wears the same thing nearly daily. He's forever on the ISS list. Nobody thinks he's going to make it in this life. Another is amazingly talented, but supported by no one at home. Constantly smells of cigarette smoke and states, "i don't really care" about most things.

I love them! I love that they want to be loved and my heart aches to not be able to take them all home and love them enough to discipline them... and then give them that hug. To say "YOU are amazing." God made you soooo wonderfully made!

So many 11, 12, 13, & 14 yr-olds are deemed "pieces of _____" ... by the very ones that should adore them as jewels in their crowns. Daily, there are lives in YOUR town that are NEVER told that they matter. These kids act like punks. They tend to steal, lie, run their mouths... but deep down, there lies a heart, an aching heart, a God-formed heart, knit together in their moma's womb. And there are some torn-up hearts protected by some straight-up harsh looking armor.

I'm asking that you match up a name or face with prayer. My challenge for myself and for you is to find out about a life. Invest your prayer and even physical time in one name... one soul. Man, oh man, Jesus died for them.... and they don't even get what that means or looks like in reality.
Ask a guidance counselor or teacher you know. Say, "give me a name." I want to pray for life change in someone's life. Then daily, please, daily, press your face on your floor and cry out for that precious child.

Today I watched this while putting in grades during my planning period. Stephen Furtick's (guest Pastor) "Perception Principle" kind of reminds me of some Pythagorean Theorum or something in title alone. But whew! - the reality of what he stated, man!, ESPECIALLY the last 15 mins. (IF YOU CAN'T WATCH IT ALL FAST FORWARD TO 51:00) or so had me in tears and can equal LIFE CHANGE. To sum it up (and unfortunately not do it justice): if a kid or adult or "a whosoever" as John 3:16 would say, is consistantly told that they are a thug, or hopeless, or destined for failure - they're going to act like that.
But God says about all of his little "whosoevers" that they are created by Him and for Him. All things were. (Col. 1:16) HE says nothing is to be rejected. In 1 Tim. 4:4 (please read within the chapter's context, I know that He was specifically referring to food and other legalistic limitations men might set... BUT) God's word says NOTHING (NO ONE - NOT ONE!) is to be rejected. Friends, let's not reject the unattractive middle school guy or girl. They NEED someone to pray! And to claim and speak Ecclesiastes 3:11 in love and Jesus' name for their sweet names.

Get a name.
I love you!

Crazy

2008-11-23T16:52:00.000-08:00

“Having faith often means doing what others see as crazy. Something is wrong when our lives make sense to other believers.”

-from “Crazy Love” by Francis Chan

Crazy not for crazy's sake. But crazy cause Jesus called for crazy. Ever been there?

I'm currently praying over some seemingly crazy things. And honestly, they make me want to nibble on the skin around my fingernails... wait, I just did that, but for real... if I've learned anything over these short short seeking-Him years, it's that when "crazy" is sent from God and confirmed via His Word and some Jesus-seeking friends... then go for crazy and don't look back!II Corinthians 5:13

And now for your viewing pleasure.....

SOME CRAZY HAIR!!!

back in black

2008-11-16T13:07:00.000-08:00

So I’m back in black…! No for real. Got a black turtleneck on, oh and it’s not September, so that means this sucka is up to date!

Thinkin purple, though. Purple cows that is. Later, I’m going to pray purple. Haven’t truly done that yet. There are A TRILLION places that don the brownest/bleakest version of this metaphor.
Not saying that my church is purple… or brown, just agreeing with Mark Batterson, and praying.

My church is though going through transition and tough times financially. Pray for Cheraw First Baptist. Pray for us to look like God, show up like God in our little plot of this world, and rely solely on GOD to make that happen. Pray for our leadership, and against potential chilly hearts and not-of-God-words. We’re a fairly small church, though large for our small town, in “The Prettiest Town in Dixie” that aches for someone to look more like Jesus.

I’m excited for more minutes in life during this next little season, so check back!
Oh, and I’m excited for Christmas! Can you tell???

Backyardigans and signing off for now

2008-09-27T17:12:00.000-07:00

Watching the Backyardigans...
"They are so weird. You're not going to win the race anyways, if you just stop and dance and sing some song." -Belle Bollman, 5 mins. ago
so true

enough of the song & dance show - run the race

I haven't really had a real urge or time to blog. So, I'm going to become a blog reader only for a while. Good night!

burp our ABC's

2008-09-18T16:27:00.000-07:00

Belle says we just might burp our ABCs in heaven until we want chocolate. Interesting theology, sillyhead.

the big 5

2008-09-15T19:05:00.000-07:00

The big 5. Christian Michael Bollman entered this world on a super warm September day, after an even warmer summer of carrying him. He was pretty big at 10 days early – 8 lbs. 9 oz. A total boy, from the get-go.

My little man’s name means Christian: follower of Christ; Michael: Who is like our God? It is my heart’s desire for my boy to know the essence of the meaning of his name. I suppose none of us will until we meet our sweet Maker face to face.

Speaking of Him, He made Christian stinkin’ hilarious. One of my recent favorite quotes occurred during a fun-loving wrestling/tickling episode on our den floor. Christian was piled on me and Belle dove atop her brother, which he responded to by saying, “Get off me Belle! YOU’RE OVERWEIGHT!” Mind you, Belle weighs maybe 3 lbs more than her younger brother and can’t keep her pants on her skinny waist. Funny. The boy is funny.

He likes his guns, and snake books, and guns, and the idea of hunting. I don’t own a gun. I hate snakes. I do not hunt. He came out this way. And I love it. I love Him.

Buddy, know that your Momma loves you forever. You make me laugh, son. You bring such joy, and I am forever grateful for the gift that you are. At age 22, God created in me, one amazing babe, who I see grasping at things that are true, like the little warrior he is. With Jesus, son, you can be fit for your name.

Do hard things in life. Go for glory, Christian Michael… forever His.

FRIDAY

2008-09-12T03:15:00.001-07:00

Once again, no time to truly write a meaningful post... but there's lots stirring in my heart, so hopefully this weekend -

Just wanted to say that God jerked me up out of the funk (please read that correctly) :) I was in last Sat. It's been a wonderful week - and I'm praising God that it is Friday with plans for a haircut, a carwash/car vaccuum (I'm attacking the crumbs and the mysterious stank!), watching my cheerleaders do their thing... and the knowledge that rest is on the way!

I hope you - anyone out there - has an excellent Friday! In honor of my Dad and my upcoming carwash, I leave you with a little Farside.

Love!!!!

Hope vs. a headache

2008-09-06T09:31:00.000-07:00

so much for the mood music... geez. For the past couple of days my "playlist" has made my computer freeze and posting a pain, so I haven't. :) But off it is, and so, I invite you to pull out your ipod or turn up the radio, and read on.

It's super sunny outside, and it's Saturday and I'm thankful to be home. Home needs some cleaning and putting away and ironing. How the heck do people manage ironing??? I always have items needing to be ironing hanging... I've even forgotten I owned things, because they were hidden in the "need-to-be-ironed" blob of clothing that chills on hangers in my laundry room for forever. But I have a sore throat, had a weirdo/disturbing dream last night, that I won't go into, cause it would scare you, and a headache that makes me want to sleep. Wow! :) what a bummer. BUT. Power Rangers came on, kids are loving it, and I want to say hello while I can. I can do this today, because my Jesus is amazing. I'm just thinking though. Some of you at some point might feel like I do now. (of course you will or do) I feel cruddy. Slightly stressed, and not really at peace. Irritable (not because of pms either). I have unrealistic visions of and pitty-party disillusionments... birds chirping and families in parks or Dads and Moms or couples joking with one another or getting things done around the house. I have mom guilt, because the thought of playing outside in the heat makes me want to lay down and say night night. I feel like out my window other people have lunch dates with friends and friends (even) around to make plans with. I feel like typing it out, rather than keeping it in. And if I actually click the "publish post" orange button, it's because maybe someone else needs to know that we all feel yucko, in spite of the amazing knowledge of better things and eternal perspective. And we all need a little love and help at times to snap out of it.

Okay! So, I am going to publish this, because after I let those negative thoughts release, hopefully without hurting anyone, I know can get on my knees - pray to my sole energy Provider, read some fresh words from my Lord, and go throw in a load of laundry, hug my babies and muster up the energy to at least get on the floor and do a puzzle!

"...The Scriptures give us patience and encouragement so that we can have hope." Rom. 15:4
I have a headache, yep, but I have hope! Here's a hug from me for those of you carrying around a throbbing in that temple of yours. Love you!

such a time as this!

2008-08-31T11:45:00.000-07:00

I'll be honest. I've been a bit disheartened by our nation's political state. I wasn't pumped about voting for McCain, though I was set on my choice as the candidate that was lined up more closely to my faith and political convictions... but now :) Wow. I'm pumped to vote for the ticket that includes Governor Sarah Palin.

Read my friend Rachel's blog. (link on the right) The following was my friend Natalie's comment:

"Hi Rachel, I just got chills reading your latest post. I was talking to God last night about Sarah Palin who I am excited about but at the same time, I have conflicting feelings about women in places of authority. As I prayed I clearly heard, "I have chosen her for such a time as this". Wow. Let us be in prayer for her and what the Lord has in store for her!"
August 31, 2008 2:30 PM

And as I know the faith of my friend Natalie and know the truth of my God's words, I am inspired and reminded that He is faithful, continually faithful. Sarah - name meaning princess, for such a time as this, will be in my prayers daily. Let us NOT become so consumed in our daily ongoings that we fail to pray for our nation as a whole. I'm guilty of doing exactly that. I'm also excited at the timing lining up with Beth Moore's latest study, Esther.

I don't doubt for one moment that our Lord didn't orchestrate this precisely.

Join me in praying and getting excited for our nation! Check out more on Governor Palin: http://gov.state.ak.us/index.html
Also, a unbiased biography at Wikipedia.
And her home church's website.

birthday love

2008-08-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Today was my birthday. I really like this day. I smile with satisfaction and thankfulness thinking on all that I have, how I've been carried and rescued and driven and called and blessed, blessed, blessed, blessed. I feel like an heir today. I know my God is my King and I'm an heir. It's scary to say that out loud sometimes, to claim it.

I slept until 9:30 this morning, and didn't feel one ounce of guilt. That's just pure goodness in Mommy/teacher world.
Mom delivered my car back to me. Jimmy (step-dad) had gotten the battery replaced for me. Oh, the joys of not talking to the car people, all by myself.
I spent the morning with my dear friend, fellow coach, mentor... gift of a friend (did I say that yet?), Jennifer. We did a necessary cheerleading outing, and it was good. We ate lunch and it was really good. She gave me a precious present and I felt super grateful. Wow, God.
My phone stopped working last night. I could hear, but people couldn't hear me. Sort of comical. I went to Mom's to borrow her cell, so that I could make arrangements to get mine fixed and check in on my kiddos. I got to lick the bowl from the homemade chocolate icing for my cake. We'll be devouring that tomorrow when my brother comes to town.
Phone was fixed. Man said my warranty would have run out on Monday. God's good. Free new phone is on the way.
I had dinner at McDonald's with Belle, Christian and "Grandma & Grandpa," John's parents. That was really good. How far God's brought us.
Got a phone call from a friend wishing me happy birthday. The best part was her exciting news of God's faithfulness and better-than-we-know-to-ask-for-goodness.
Drove back home listening to my hilarious children. Belle: "Where are we anyways?" Christian: "Of course, McBee!" Belle: "What? We're still in that sleepy ole town?" shaking my head - oh those two. We were driving - we were not in McBee, and they are just funny.
Listening to the same two "crazies" be super precious children of our God, singing "Savior He can move the mountains..." only I think Christian says "Safer, He can move the mountains..." I think there's some truth in there somewhere.
Getting home, after a long yet sweet day, and having Belle lead me down the hall to her room. I opened my eyes to find a present wrapped with lots of tape, in typing paper, decorated by crayon with purple hearts. Inside, a painting she had done. And then her her arms around me, giving me a huge hug and smoocheroo, saying, "There's nothing like a big hug and lots of kisses on your birthday!" You're right Belle. nothing like it

Lord, I've messed up a whole heap of a lot in these 27 years of life, and You've presented yourself faithful. The author of creation, my King, the giver of sooo many gifts. I'll take it. I'll take whatever You have in store tomorrow. And with Your all-sufficient grace, humbly yet desperately I'll attempt to offer up something worthy of being called glory - Your glory, and my only chance of tasting what that means.

how good it is to be at His church!

2008-08-24T08:11:00.001-07:00

I'm going to tell you what! I needed this morning. I needed to praise my Jesus and be blessed in the process. I needed a billion good words and received them. I needed to see some sweet friends that love and boy, I feel blessed by my sweet Lord for my precious church and all that it is. Listen, I know I could go deeper here, theologically speaking about the church... but you know, there are some days where you go and you come home and think, "wow. that was good." Simple as that. Thank you Lord! I can do this thing, because You are who You say You are.
Friends out there, I'm praising the Lord for you! Let's do this thing.
I hope within your week, perspective and wisdom shine bright. I'm praying for both!!!

"My ideas are always great ideas"

2008-08-16T14:07:00.000-07:00

first off - I'm quoting something I giggled over that was spoken to my heart via the Lord.

A truck just drove out of my driveway, hauling my little-turned-big girl's kitchen set. You know the type, plastic and filled with more plastic foods, plates, the phone & coffee pot. It's gone. Gone in a flash. Belle came to me in her way too mature for her age, fashion, and said, "Mommy, I don't want the kitchen thing in my room anymore. I think we should give it away. I mean, I never play with it. Can we do it this weekend?" She relayed the info. over a month ago. My response was, "Are you sure??? You're not going to miss it???" She said, "I mean, I'm really too old for it now."
oh.
My baby is going into grade school this year - yikes. I love it. I love how she's growing, and she was right. Time for the little tykes or fisher price thingy to make room. She wanted her art table/writing area moved into her room. And who could blame her?
So... the thought of finding the time/energy/room in my Jeep, to load up the kitchen stuff and ship it to the local thrift store - well it remained an exhausting thought. The kids are with the grands today, so I thought, "Okay, I'll tackle this and bless my little girl with a surprise." As I packed up the plastic accessories, I was having a mental conversation with the Lord about quite a different and much more noteworthy issue, when the idea popped into my head: put the thing by the road! duh. Ooo, good idea. I dragged the bulky item, through the den, across the porch, scraped it down the driveway, and placed it purposefully aside the road. I went inside, scrawled a sign, which stated the obvious: "FREE!"; taped it, and returned inside to begin rearranging Belle's room. I'm going to tell you what, not 2 minutes passed before I heard a "beep beep" in my driveway. Outside was a sweet couple in a truck that asked if I was giving it away (perhaps the sign wasn't obvious enough - hehe). "Oh yes," I say and grabbed the bag of plastic goods to accompany the toy and they told me about the little granddaughter they had that was going to love it. Precious.
I went inside and said, "what a good idea." The whole process took like 5 mins and no sweat. All good things come from the Lord, so He's got all the credit. How fun. But here's what I'm learning a bit about. Unfortunately, I've been retaking this "class in faith."
Our God consistantly says, ASK ME.
(including myself) as a nation will ask our "besties" (0h I love speaking my cheerleader's language), hubbies, if we've got 'em; we'll ask Dr. Phil or somebody's blog, or we'll ask US Weekly or if we're intellectual, we'll ask Newsweek... or Fox News, or one of my personal faves - the mirror.

From Robert Whitlow's The Trial (good good fiction):
end of conversation, w/ two lawyers discussing God's hand in a major decision one character made... Don't skip it
"Mac sat back in his chair. "Interesting. Do you know the problem I have with what you've told me?"
"That it's too subjective."
"Right."
"That I could find a Bible verse to support any decision or plan that suited my fancy," David said.
Mac smiled. "Counselor, you're doing a good job anticipating the judge's response to your position."
"I can't deny the subjective componnent of receiving direction from God. However, even though we like to think we're completely rational, reason-oriented creatures, a lot of what we think and do is not based on objective assessment of facts and data. I've never been in love, but I don't expect it's a completely rational expreience."
Mac stared past David's shoulder at the bookcase behind him. "I have. It isn't."
"And I've been told there are levels of communication that only a man and woman who love each other can experience. It's the same between a Christian and Jesus. My personal relationship with the Lord is the doorway to communication with him."
"Every woman on the jury is eating out of your hand."
"Thanks," David said with a grin. "This communication thing involves risk, but I've decided to take my chances..."

I was reading this in Isaiah (7:9-12). King Ahaz, was stubborn - oh how similar are my ways.
"If you do not stand firm in your faith, you will not stand at all. Again the Lord spoke to Ahaz, "Ask the Lord your God for a sign, whether in the deepest depths or in the highest heights." But Ahaz said, "I will not ask; I will not put the Lord to the test."

MANY time I've heard, "stand firm in your faith," and thought in broad, sweeping terms, of "do not reject the fundamentals of what I believe." You know, do not reject my Lord completely and/or generally, continue to believe that He equals salvation. But one of the verses that I eluded to in a previous post from Habakkuk, reminded me on the precision of that truth and what that looks like on a Saturday in the life of me or you. In 2:4, the LORD says, "the righteous will live by his faithfulness." Full of faith. Full of assurance in the thing unseen and the promises sent via the heart. That is creditted as righteousness. Paul quotes this passage, and if he brought it up more than once, then let's do the same.
You are the Lord's babygirl. He LOVES you. HE wants you to seek Him. Let's not be like Ahaz, and say, "Nah. not about this." If you're seeking, full of faith, He says Himself that that equals righteousness. (undue, but righteousness nonetheless).
The Lord is full of some huge ideas about your marriage, your job, your children, ... that big plastic toy you don't want to have to take to the thrift store (just kidding - only sort of). Whatcha waitin for - ASK.

the handcuffs are out

2008-08-06T18:08:00.000-07:00

2 of the 3 Florence-trip "to-dos" are off the list. 1) I needed to get new bags for my vacuum cleaner. (love my vacuum by the way - hate the fact that I will need to forever order bags online or travel 39 miles to fetch them) 2) I wanted to look for an awesome bathing suit which would enable me to focus on water-fun at Carowinds rather than the fact that my too small suit was riding up, oh and because this day of family amusement is going to cost the ole budget some money money, I wanted to find one for like $12 - which in my brain means less than $20. 3) I also wanted to go to Lifeway to get a new Bible study. To get to these objectives, one living in Cheraw, SC must get in one's car and use up a bunch of gas to get to Florence, which has things like a mall and a Lifeway, oh and find a place for my children, because I've tried on bathing suits with them before, and it's h-e-double l.

My mom had the kids for 2 & 1/2 hours... the clock was ticking.

So... to shorten up this tale in less than 30 mins- I find a top and bottom which don't transform me but fit the "I'm the mom of these two kids - I'm not perfect, but I'm pleasant and haven't given up on attempting to look decent - mold," ...by now, I'm in Sears, not because that's where one typically goes for a swimwear, but because it houses appliances like my vacuum and their bags - of course.

Still holding my tankini-top and skirt-like bottom, I get directions to the vacuums, and procede to look for the Electrolux Infinity bags. I cannot find any - Hoover, yes, Kenmore, yes, Electrolux, NO... uh - I pondered if it would break if I forced another brand bag into my lovely machine. Lady in black, with sears lanyard, called some dude over the intercom to help me. And 19-21 yr-old baby-faced "young man" comes over to help me. Okay. So, he finds my bags located oddly on another aisle altogether and in distinctly different packaging than ALLLLL the other choices I had read through. I am stoked. Cause, he just saved my day. and 1/3 of the reason for my trip. I beam and say, "awesome, can you ring all of this up for me?" And, of course, hand over my mommy suit top and bottom and the box of bags. gol (giggling out loud) He holds the bottoms as if I'd just handed him my dirty underwear and says "uhhhhh - I guess so." "Great," I say. He informs me that I'll have to get the ink tag thingy removed elsewhere. "Fine", I say. "That's on my way out." So. Super embarrassed boy totals my three items up, and I dig for my wallet. My purse is large. It takes a minute. I begin to pull out my contents because I KNOW it's in my purse and I drove an hour to arrive here. (I tell him that "I KNOW it's in here.") I take out the makeup pouch and planner and handcuffs....

HANDCUFFS!!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA.... LOL OH my word!

I turn pink and die laughing and tell them that they are my son's toy. But I know he doesn't really believe me, and I conclude that the wallet is in my car. His face is bright red and ole babyface is trying not to laugh too obviously.

We both laugh my way out of Sears. Handcuffs! Seriously. oh.

I gave my items to girl with braces and black skinny jeans behind another customer service station and she gets confused by my requesting she hold my items while I retrieve my wallet from the car.

Well friends, :) I ran out of time for Lifeway.

But i shall be vacuuming shortly! (and perhaps if I get really really lucky, we'll have a decent shot of the fam at Carowinds with new suit included.)

2 out of 3 ain't too shabby

Raise your hand if you're reading from Habakkuk!

2008-08-04T18:51:00.000-07:00

hehehe...usually I would say in my brain, "is that a book of the Bible??? -maybe. wait, no, I think that's the Hindu book, no no no silly that's the... uh." Seriously.
So, here's the deal.
I haven't the time to blog. But! when I do, I would love to mention some crazy wonderful things, I've learned from that book in the Bible. Many of you guys are likely way beyond the truths that just slapped me in the head this week.

And: I'm moving. Schools, that is. I have plucked up all of my belongings from McBee and Chesterfield and am plopping them at Long Middle School. That's right, I am now among the ranks of the Middle School teachers. I think this adventure will supply some humorous anecdotes at the very least.

And: I've concluded that there is nothing good on my 13 channels of television on a Monday evening. Well, except for American Gladiator but we missed that one tonight.

And now... for the question! What would your gladiator name be if you became one?
Mine would NOT be Helga. geez. Have you seen her????

You guys that write, keep on writing, cause, while, I'm not blogging, I am reading and am grateful for your words.
Love you guys!

2008-07-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

sing it with me now!...

2008-07-24T19:52:00.000-07:00

Praise Him, Praise Him, all ye little children: God is love... God is love, Praise Him Praise Him all ye little children, God is love, God is love!!!!

I feel as giddy as a 3 yr-old singing this and "I'm in the Lord's army" right before snack time complete with ring cookies (you know the butter kind you can "wear") and red kool-aid!
My God, Our God, is soooo Good. I almost typed is sooooo God, by accident, but that's true too. He just is. And He just is Good. I was in tears this time last night. Tired - exhausted and drained and on my face.

Today, ANSWERED. Answered in blow me away kind of ways. His provision was more than I imagined on two major accounts, and I just wanted to shout out a praise.

So PRAISE HIM PRAISE HIM ALL YE LITTLE CHILDREN!!!!
Love you friends.

2008-07-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

http://www.northpointministries.org/player/player.jsp?occurrenceID=3030

okay first, read short post below... I'm in soak it up mode, rather than dish it out.
I plugged in to listen to Andy Stanley. And, low and behold he had a series on "summer vacation." So while, printing and cutting cheerleading-related stuff, I listened to hear how his July had been and... was moved. I'm telling you, via ipod, computer... just audio, whatever, make plans to listen to this message. Take it with you for a car ride, etc.

MAY THIS BE MY BANNER:
FORGIVENESS. RECONCILIATION.

A doable dose

2008-07-20T18:37:00.000-07:00

Hey blog friends. I'm posting solely because I haven't. I think I've been tapped out creatively speaking through painting and cheerleading camp planning/coaching. But I'm loving the place where I find myself right now. Super busy but steady, not overwhelmed... a doable dose of life - not easy, and thank goodness, but doable - reminds me of a yoke the Lord mentions. Light.

So, I'd love feedback from you, since I have nil to say.
Give me your #1 highlight for the month of July. (or at least for the day - that'll make it easier for some of you.) I'd love to delight with you in some daily-sort or even exceptional goodness from your lives.

Oh, but I will add a WORD. Read it and may today be doable and sweet.
"Now, (insert your name), 11 ...what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach. 12 It is not up in heaven, so that you have to ask, "Who will ascend into heaven to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" 13 Nor is it beyond the sea, so that you have to ask, "Who will cross the sea to get it and proclaim it to us so we may obey it?" 14 No, the word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so you may obey it.
Deut. 30:11-14

A snake in my bathroom!

2008-07-12T17:24:00.001-07:00

Waking up on time was a surprise this morning, as was - what to my groggy eyes did appear... partially on the white tile, partially on the shower rug - a snake. A SNAKE! Still snuggled in bed gazing through the bathroom's open door, I prayed, "Lord, tell me there's not really a snake in my bathroom."

In the dim light, I pondered my dilemma... "looks pretty still, but man, that woman down the street did say she'd seen a huge snake in her yard, and I do think I see a snake skin through the vent under my house by the backporch that continually creeps me out, oh wait - is it... red on black, somethin-jack, red, yellow, kill a fellow - oh who the heck could remember that anyways! it has stripes...I think it would move by now... would it be attracted to the cool dampness of my bathroom; yes, I think so. If I take a diving leap with cell phone in hand towards my hallway door, I could slam it, get Christian and Belle and call Mr. Bradham (retired, wise neighbor)... would he be awake yet? No. But this is an emergency... still, I need to put on a bra first...ugh"

FLICK.

on came my bedside light.

Nope.

Multi-colored necklace lying in a suspicious (even sinister) serpentine shape.

Not a snake.

PHEW.

Head back on pillow, thinking, "Ooo - analogy."

I almost took a picture. I still might recreate the scene and post a pic later. Seriously, you would have thought it was a snake too!

Later, laughing at myself, and how we convince ourselves of things in the dark - on so many levels - I read some of Luke 8.

Check out 8:16-17:
16 “No one, when he has lit a lamp, covers it with a vessel or puts it under a bed, but sets it on a lampstand, that those who enter may see the light. 17 For nothing is secret that will not be revealed, nor anything hidden that will not be known and come to light."

Amongst other provisions, there is lucidity in light.

is... snoring?

2008-07-06T15:35:00.000-07:00

"i ate aww my foo.. but I didn't eat the 'coos coos' [couscous]." Christian (mouth FULL) just came into my oasis to say that. I owe him some milk now.

It's raining, it's pouring, and the old man is snoring.

Well, big ole blobs of rain are dousing my house with "rumble rumbles" sprinkled in between, but what I'm mulling over is the "old man" part. I'm gonna get real, and please forgive me for sounding irreverent. But sometimes I feel like that... when my faith gets itty bitty and the rain drops are real big and I'm like - Lord, are you snoring or what??? I've been praying and waiting and... nothin. OR devastating evidence that leans in the OPPOSITE direction.

I woke up this morning hearing myself say something in a dream that sounded like, "Why do you insist on me reading Luke 7:15?" I actually read that verse and verses that precede it yesterday, so it makes sense that that would come to mind, but I don't want to over-rationalize the significance.

Luke 7:15 (King James Version)
15And he that was dead sat up, and began to speak. And he delivered him to his mother.

The whole story can be found in the beginning of Luke Ch. 7. It's familiar probably... Jesus sees a woman overcome with grief, a widow who has lost her only hope at a life without poverty and begging. Her only son has died. At first, in my self-centeredness... I thought: What? I'm not a widow. I have two living children. This is not the situation I've been dialoguing about nonstop Lord. Without hanging out all of my heart's details, though they are many and twisted and dripping... I'll share what I'm trying to learn in reality.
The Lord, bopped me upside the inside of my head and said in my spirit, something like, "duh, I MAKE THINGS NEW. I BRING THE DEAD BACK TO LIFE. HAVE FAITH." He that was DEAD, SAT UP.

Belle just came in, read the last lines, and smiled and said "hmm, is that a Bible verse or something?" Precious.

OH! What does that faith really look like? Jesus, I know you did and can and will, and You, oh Lord, will have to stretch my faith and move. I can't do anything. I can hardly keep the dust off my furniture (oh, who I am kidding - I can't keep it off), much less uproot evil. LORD, MOVE.

"We often think receiving what we've been guaranteed ought to be a cakewalk, but Scripture shows the opposite is more often true. The most profound things God promised were often fulfilled against the greatest odds and through the most difficult hardships. To God, faith is often the point - God does nothing cheaply. Perhaps the divine nature of a promise fulfilled guarantees its expense. We may receive a hundred unexpected things from God with delightful ease while the fulfillment of some of the things we believe He promised us proves virtually impossible. You see, the impossibility is what makes the fulfillment of the promise fall under the God category. God makes promises man simply can't keep."
B. Moore, Patriarchs

God, Lord, the Creator, creator of rain and booming thunder, wake and move, Lord. I vow to bring you all the glory, Oh God.

Firefly Butts

2008-06-27T18:36:00.000-07:00

"oooo!!! you just said BUTT!", I can hear Christian now (followed by re-use of the b-u-tt word until my "THAT'S ENOUGH." provoked his mischevious "yes ma'm").

We caught fireflies tonight.
Though, I usually call them lightning bugs and actually only one poor guy won't be going home to his little firefly family this evening. The rest managed quick and dark escapes. 'Ole slow poke' is being poked and proded by two curious kids in a disposable plastic container with some holes punched out of the lid. I wonder if he'll survive his night... if so, tomorrow night is Christian's turn for the living nightlight. Belle won out for this evening's honors.

I've been reading about these little critters and low and behold, after an evening swim, there they were, blinking through the bushes...

He stood there a long time turning the jar. Inside, a single lightning bug fluttered off the sides of the glass. Every five or six seconds, he'd light his lantern. Unc turned the jar in his hand. "Scientists say that these things evolved this way over millions of years." He shook his head. "That's a bunch of bunk. I don't think an animal can just all-of-a-sudden decide it wants to make light grow out its butt. What kind of nonsense is that? Animals don't make light." He pointed to the stars." God does that. I don't why or how, but I'm pretty sure it's not chance. It's not some haphazard thing he does in his spare time."

He looked at me, and his expression changed from one of wonder. He held up the jar. "This is not chance, neither are the stars."
I was hurting inside, and the streaks shining on my face didn't scratch the surface at telling how much.

He tapped me gently in the chest. "And neither are you. So, if your mind is telling you that God slipped up and might have made one giant mistake when it comes to you, you remember the firefly's butt."

surely

2008-06-25T18:41:00.001-07:00

Once again, I'm blogging due to peer pressure... ah hmm... I mean "inspiration." ;)

But, truthfully this one has been milling around for a while now, and perks up as relevant often. .

Starting with the verse:

Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion.
It cannot be shaken; it remains forever.
Psalm 126:1

"The Hebrew word for "trust" in verse 1 is "batach," defined as being "confident, secure, sure."

Insecurity, lack of "batach," has caused me some serious misery.

B. Moore agrees,

"Insecurity has remained one of my most consistent challenges, and ...I'm convinced its epidemic in our deceived culture... You would be surprised to know how many people who seem to have it all together are chronically insecure... I don't think victory over insecurity will ever come to me automatically. God and I dialogue about it consistently, and He alone has proved strong enough to quell my insecurity..."

I'll pause there.

My precious friend, Kate, was married on Saturday. In the days and months prior to her tender nuptials, the "faithful four" and more gathered together for showers and some much needed hangout time. (clarity: "faithful four" was a self-given title to four friends who attended EVERY church event offered, as wee ones up to seniors in high school, due to choice and/or lack there of.) Somewhere during our continuous catching-up chatter, I or someone remarked, "I like us... I like the 'grown-up' version of us." We went on to discuss what we felt our biggie flaw(s) was during our childhood/teenage years and what we felt was the major root of our issue(s). Bottom-line, well you guessed it - insecurity. Each manifested that lack of security in different self-destructive behaviors, some less-severe and/or consequential than others, but painful conditions nonetheless. So why different?? What was the swinging factor? Each of these childhood treasures, had childhood faith, which the Lord in His mercy transformed into adult faith-walking belief. And in that belief, we met security, and our moldy selves, began to smell like some fragrant fruit. I still stink from time to time... to time to time to time... :), but praise the Lord, I'm not going to be ashamed to say that there is victory in my life, and in the lives of my friends.

B. Moore adds on to that,

"We can grow secure in the favor God has shown us, but God's favor and His person are not synonymous. ...Mountain-like security only comes from trusting God, not what He's done for us or given us, however glorious and eternal those things may be."

While fruitful, our lives have been far from "peachy." We've lost precious ones, dealt with depression, eating disorders & weight issues, financial struggle, divorce, loneliness, anxiety, promiscuity, doubt, jealousy, manipulation, low self-worth, and more... With the exception of divorce, I'm not sure any of these can be assigned to just one of us. In less than ten years, the Lord has woven with His sovereignty a weighty plan, in spite of our self-breeding flaws and then drew us to security...

ahhh it's like... well, like having been stuck at the bottom of a pool, perhaps looking for something as futile, as - i dunno - a tiny earring, and then someone jerking you up off the bottom, handing you more than you'd ever searched for, all the while filling your lungs with freshness, life-saving freshness. I can breathe in the security of my ROCK... my mountain, my Mt. Zion.

Let me leave you with this pic. I cannot tell you how precious this lady was at one of Belle's t-ball games. She talks of her blessings, walks across the street to watch her great-grandchildren play ball, and when she doesn't have a great view, she just might take a seat like this.

Quite the picture of security.
May we all perch ourselves surely, at ripe ole ages, wherever we go, with that same joy, for there is a mountain over the horizon, and His Word's daily beat beneath our flesh.

He is loyal to us. Hard to sop that one up, but let's sit, and be and know.

one more tonight for nat

2008-06-17T19:16:00.000-07:00

Okay, I have more to say, and I better cause, odds are it's going to be a few days before I'm able to hop back on and say anymore. (hence the title, inspiration via text from Natalie today)

First of all THANK YOU. Big time thank you for all of my fun friends' good ideas. Ellen, we just had a paper bag puppet show. Listen, before we left the house (7:30 AM), I had markers and brown paper bags and said we'd have a puppet show tonight. So, it was 8 PM after the Wal-Mart run, I'd been putting off for as long as I could, but was finally sent when the last essential pushed me over the edge - sorry - so I did a combo Rachel idea and set a timer for 15 mins. Belle lined up stuffed animals on the couch and the 3 of us did a puppet show for the animals. It was pretty much wonderful, and I have no idea why we haven't created any paper bag puppets at home before. Our cast included baby shark, played by Christian, baby butterfly, voiced by the puppeteer, Belle, and featured mama shark & mama butterfly, puppeted by yours truly. Our audience gave us a roaring applause and "vibrating, annoying giggly toy pig" thought it was hilarious.

You guys are wonderful. I'm looking forward to shaving cream in the shower (praying that one doesn't end in stitches), making silly putty, simon says in the bathroom or while waiting in line at a register!, I'm scared of the outdoor food fight, but am going to go for it anyways, and OH we halfway do a scavenger hunt, but it was a clean up thing -- but I called it a scavenger hunt and passed out bags.
"Pick up 10 red things" and then I helped them put them where they belonged. Belle bought in. Christian was wise to the underlying clean up theme. I'll try again, just for fun.

Speaking of Christian, I'll close with his "prayer #1" tonight. I'm sure I won't get this word for word, but it is definitely worth a try.
"Dear God, thank you for all of the wonderful things you made... in this world. You are powerful and everyone loves you... well... except for ROBBERS, and um, God I just thank you. Amen."

Yes, thank you, Lord, for amazing friends and for children who say it like no other.

lickety-split

2008-06-17T18:52:00.000-07:00

"Lickety-split!"

"Where it comes from is open to argument. Some dictionaries prefer to say
cautiously “origin unknown” but others consider it combines split with a
fanciful elaboration of lick. The latter turned up at about the same date in
expressions we still have: at a great lick or at full lick, also meaning to move
fast. This might have something to do with an animal persuaded to go fast by
means of a “lick” from a whip, a figurative use of the standard sense that’s
also the source of lick for giving somebody a beating. Another form around in US
dialect in the nineteenth century was lick it, as in “he went as fast as he
could lick it” and some writers think that lick it was the source of lickety,
though the dates of recording of the various forms suggest otherwise.

Split is just an intensifying word that happens to have formed a satisfying
combination, perhaps because splitting implied a violent separation. If things
had turned out differently, we might now be saying lickety-click instead, which
is just as meaningless. In settling on split, however, Americans provided a
springboard for split in the sense of leaving or departing, recorded from the
1950s."
Well friends, I truly hope you enjoyed your ELA/history lesson for today.

Today I felt a bit like a horse persuaded to go fast due to licks (beatings) on my behind. Ever feel like that!? Like, if I didn't have to... I wouldn't. But I have to, and I have to really hard and really fast - go places and be ALL there these days, and I think it's the Lord's mercy that He calls. I'd miss out sooooo, if He didn't call, or send, and say obediance is what I require, cause I'm thinkin that I'm in no mood to do that Lord, likety-split. In fact, I'd rather umm... I dunno - sit. Perhaps sit and be inaffective, and then later feel a tad guilty over my sitting... and then choose to repeat my lathargic option.

Listen. We all need rest. I know that. And the Lord grants sleep to those He loves - says so in Psalms, so He's not calling us or whipping us to death. No, He's calling us to life, and in serving and feeling slap worn out. And in moving lickety-split, when HE says so...

we live.

fyi: This is not my Jeep Liberty - waaaayyyy too clean and... nice, but I have a dirty version with kid crumbs in the backseat and a melted crayon stain in the front. I use lots of fuel and go lots of places and - um, return to beginning and try to pull together the connection. Oh and was sick and tired of having no pictures on my blog. Thanks, google images.

hello nightime feeders

2008-06-10T19:09:00.000-07:00

well... now that just narrowed down my reading population, but seriously, I know that Natalie and Katie my well-endowed, baby-lovin girls are the ones who might actually check this, like say, in a couple of hours. (Adair, I'm pretty sure is on a daytime feeding schedule only) So, sweet Katie and Nat. this one is for you!
I have no words of wisdom... or of reflection, really. Only to say that I feel suppa tired, but good. I think I should have majored in "coaching cheerleading" cause it's a full-time job. I think I now officially have like 4 full-time jobs. My life is currently being broken down into 10-min intervals, of do this and then stop and then this and then stop. Once again, I KNOW that I'm helpless alone, and yet as the machine is churning - that ole pride starts slipping back in, the snake that it is. I think, "whoa, look at me go. I'm coaching, teaching, parenting, cleaning, watering my plants, dishes are DONE, laundry folded - almost.. " blaaaaayh :) spit out old pride. Cause I'm just Kelly Bollman, wearing some skin and helpless.
I'm singing the same song,1800th verse, but I want everyone who reads this to know that I am continually inspired by my sweet friends who love the Lord. And reading your words of wisdom or seeing your pictures or just a short phone call, are like honey, only better - sweet to the taste, and a perspective check for the soul.

Okay, now I'm going to shamelessly ask for some comments. Name what you would want your mom to do with you if you were 4 & 6... going for at-home 15 min. kind of activities. I'd like to think up some more fresh ones. Maybe it was the most awesome thing your mom/dad/babysitter did with you. I need to be all the more intentional with my time with these two, so help a momma out!

COACHING

2008-06-06T18:12:00.000-07:00

wow. I feel like I haven't blogged in forever. One week ago today, I and one of my most favorite people, Jennifer Rayfield, accepted the positions as cheerleading coaches at my alma mater. It has been a whirlwind of a week and I'm about to go to bed at 9:30 on a Friday night. I truly cannot wait! (for bed, and what's to come).
I'll keep the story short, for sleep's sake:
basically Jennifer and I were praying about the same thing; the Lord led us in the same direction... both knew we had no time to coach cheerleading at Cheraw High... both have two kids... both teach art, full-time... both thought it would be "crazy" to take on such a thing...

and we both said yes.

This will be a disaster without the Lord. We are fully dependent upon Him. We both want to be like Him. We want in some way to come close to pouring out our lives, and that our sweet Lord will be glorified in the process, as He teaches us to get out of the way.

When I got on my face and said, "God... (scared to voice what He already knew), do you want me to do this (coaching that is)?"
I felt this clear response within me: "Serve."
"Really Lord????"
really.

Okay. So here we go. I'm now the Varsity head coach for competitive cheer at Cheraw High School. More to come on how the Lord is going to consistently move - the evidence is already in the works. Well, I guess that goes without saying.

Sweet update link on Abel

2008-06-03T16:27:00.001-07:00

This speaks for itself! Super PRAISE.

Ephesians 3:20 for Abel

2008-06-01T10:28:00.000-07:00

For those of you who have been following this story and haven't gotten a recent update, there's reason for added prayer this morning. My precious friends Katie and Josh are loving on, praying/warring for their son, Joshua Able. I had the absolute privelege to meet this little boy (that I'm already head over heels for) yesterday. Things were looking super stable and progress while slow, was progress.

I received an update text a couple of hours ago:

Basically he took a dive sometime late this morning. Last I heard, they were doing an echo on his heart and putting in a trec. They made Josh & Katie leave for a little while.

The Lord has big things for this boy, who I can't wait to see as a man, and say... "I remember when... " I don't know what exactly to pray for Katie and Josh but I know their already huge faith is growing down deep, and boy oh boy will they have a story to tell Abel.

Thank you praying friends.

uh... no..shoot! where is my lipstick?

2008-05-30T09:19:00.000-07:00

I was on my way to work and at "assigned stoplight" was going to put on my lipstick. (no lashes please; I am a new woman, who 90% (used to be more like 15%) of the time leaves in the morning with her makeup on... except for my lipstick, cause it comes off when I drink my coffee on the way to work while shuffling through CD's... I am NOT a distracted driver - no.)
I typically place the lipstick and gloss in a certain pocket of my purse. So... back to where we were: I reached, and NO lipstick. So I dug through that giant thing I carry and could not find it or anything close for the life of me. "Red marker....? uh maybe - no, what am I thinking." All my eye shadow was brownish. crud. Okay, I know all of this is vain, but geez, without some lipstick or gloss, my lips feel naked and dry and I look like I should still be sleeping. Oh and I had car-rider duty and was prepping myself to say "good morning" to a billion moms/dads/kids etc. But then!!! I had a thought. I went to the nurses office and asked for a q-tip of vaseline... and explained why, so she would think I was silly not crazy.
I dipped & stirred saving q-tip into a corner of my powdered blush and had a lovely natural shade of gloss for the rest of the day. I did it on purpose at home this morning.

Hope this lightens up the mood of this ole bloggy. Now, keep prayin and checking in on Abel, the warrior that he is, via Katie's blog.

Say a prayer for Abel's lungs!

2008-05-29T17:07:00.001-07:00

Katie and Josh welcomed Joshua Abel this morning. He needs some big boy lungs, so jump in and pray for those to develop lickety split! Our God is so good.

Remembering and praying hard.

2008-05-25T19:28:00.000-07:00

God dumped out a huge gift about 8 years ago in the form of Natalie.

I was attempting to run hard (in the wrong direction) at this point, but boy, the Lord knew what He was doing when He enlisted her as part of His pursuit. She kept lovin me when I didn't want to be discipled. (I giggle just thinking of it)

I don't leave a conversation with her without taking away a new teaching and am continually blessed by her wisdom, maturity and heart for the Lord.

One year ago, today, she lost her brother David, while he was serving in Iraq. Natalie has 3 other sisters, one of whom (Rachel Baxter) has added a gorgeous post in his memory on her blog.

I ask that you pray for her family this Memorial Day.

I also ask that you pray for John, my friend and my children's father, serving in Afghanistan, and for our troops. But, my heart is much more for LIGHT in such dark lands. While there are some faithful believers in uniform, there are many more guys, who are lost... so lost, and are stationed in places with stances against our Almighty God. Their physical safety is of course our concern, but their salvation and peace are where true victory resides.

Thank you again for sharing your brother with us, Rachel.
May all of you guys find yourselves blessed by our outlandish freedom this holiday, and join me in praising Him.

Silliness!

2008-05-23T20:02:00.000-07:00

I've never regretted a silly moment. I regret some inappropriate or disrespectful moments, but never a simply silly one.

I have the best job ever. Being an art teacher is pretty much wonderful, as long as you're good on bladder control and speed-eating, there really are few drawbacks. Let's face it, I'm like a flower-deliverer or the ice-cream scooper; I get super sweet smiles because I'm handing out fun. Here's one silly moment with my kids today that I LOVE!!! (I'll have to write about my school children another time... I look at each of their faces and my heart feels intense love for these children... okay another time.)

Oh and I have to mention this as well:

Tonight after dinner Belle and Christian and I were "break dancing in the kitchen." Total white people style. We thought we were hilarious and we were. I don't know how people spin on their backs. I think it's genetic, like curling your tongue or something.
Seriously... we did the whole "go Belle, go Belle, go! go! go!-thing"
silly. pure silly.

Moral of this short story: When faced with the dilemma of "to be silly or not to be silly" - go with silly. You won't regret it!

just me and the Swiffer

2008-05-20T18:16:00.000-07:00

Last night I was swiffering the kitchen floor. (I don't ever mop the "real way;" I once dumped soapy water on the floor and let the kids skate on towels, until somebody got hurt - should have seen that one coming). So, Belle and Christian were soundly tucked, and I was literally getting up the residue of our day (or days) and replaying what a sweet one we'd had. It involved my beautiful t-ball player and the way she hops in place on base as she waits for the next batter or twirls in circles in whatever position she's in... and of Christian and our awesome time playing with his little army men; we sorted all those tiny plastic guys and stood them up on his floor and then fired his miniature pirate cannon ball at them. He rattled off hilarious quotables... But, I was reliving these in my head and wishing so deeply that I could share. I thought of my friends who lie in bed with their spouses (or at the very least talk during commercials!) and marvel or chat about their kids, laughing at their silliness or praising the Lord for their shear beauty... dag gummit (I feel the sting now), I just wanted "my someone" to say out loud, "Isn't she amazing? Isn't he the funniest thing ever?" And then... I felt it. I felt the reply, coupled with overwhelming chills. And I knew.

I didn't remember. He reminded me, within my spirit. Tell Me, child.
And I spoke - out loud.

"Lord, isn't he just the funniest thing!? Don't you just love how Christian... how Christian is just soooo Christian! Lord, you made him to want to protect and provide and you made him stinkin hilarious. Lord, you are so amazingly funny" And I went on... out loud, and I felt that lonely blanket sever, injected by chills of the holy spirit and of that listening ear, the God who sees... me. And I praised Him. And, I knew that my God loves Christian and Belle more than I do, and He gets a kick out of them MORE THAN I DO. And He delights in talking about them with me!
and leaves His mark: my hair on end.

ugh... how amazing.

I was left (but not really left... just still swiffering) laughing with pure happiness - once again, out loud, and praising Him that in the lonely, I am NEVER alone.

I'm going to re-read Angela Thomas's My Single Mom Life. When I read it's first pages, I wept. I'm not sure I've ever felt so connected to another human's book. I'll leave you with this quote followed by another.

From p. 37:

I don't think other people believe that single moms are all that lonely.
We've got kids who live with us, and those brilliant little minds are always
coming up with a million things for us to do for them. And single moms are
ridiculously busy, they reason, so how could we be lonely? We are balancing and
multitasking more than any sane human being should have to. But maybe that in
itself is a part of it. When you are holding up the world, all by yourself,
fatigue sets in. Everyone assumes you can be strong because you are getting it
all done, but no one wants to be that strong. And really, no one
should have to be. Eventually the fatigue is overwhelming, and being tired just
makes you lonelier.

Loneliness maybe more than anything, has been my greatest struggle these
past years. There have been a lot of other heart-wrenching struggles, but
loneliness is the thread that has woven through everything. Honestly, not a day
goes by, even the craziest, most productive and extraordinary ones, when my heart
doesn't yearn for someone to share it with. God made each of us for
companionship. Healthy, loving, nurturing companionship. and the person who
tries to live as though that's not true is just pretending.
and this, His direct Word:
22 I was so foolish and ignorant— I must have seemed like a senseless animal to you. 23 Yet I still belong to you; you hold my right hand. 24 You guide me with your counsel, leading me to a glorious destiny. (Psalm 73 - NLT)
I've always loved reliving my day - out loud, and...
hand-holding.
"Lisa called the other night when the kids were away. "what are you doing?" she asked.
"Just over here alone with my dang integrity," I told her.
"Oh, stop it," she said, laughing. "Take your integrity and go to bed."
Big smile. to bed, I
shall go!

my eyes itch... does that count?

2008-05-18T18:14:00.000-07:00

Wow... they're really red too. What in the world? (see Katie's blog for clarification)

So Ruby and I were talking about the blog thing and I mentioned how I felt the need to clairify, though it probably isn't all that needed. Hopefully this will come in the form of encouragement.

In my brief blogging stint, I plugged into the thought of many that this forum would most honorably be used as a place of fun-lovin commentary, words of encouragement, updates on fam, etc. You know, a "build-ya-up" or "put-a-smile-on-your-face" kinda place. I deliberately choose not to hop on and post during the times when I feel absolutely cranky, exhausted, angry, annoyed, etc... cause I mean, I don't want to give off the WACKO impression and I desire for my words to honor our Lord - sincerely.
That being said, i'm going to get honest, but truly not honest enough. Take what I say, and know that the truth is probably far worse.
Without my Jesus, I suck, and not because I have good reason. (Nope, I'm pretty sure these allergies don't give me any validation)
When my face isn't upon Him. When I don't remain IN HIM. I am gross.
I want stuff. I get ill with my children and they hear it. I feel cranky as all get out, where the sound of whistling, which should bring delight, grates on my nerves. I try to fill the "lonely hole." (doesn't exist within my Jesus... outside of Him, it's gaping.) Chocolate is a fav hole-filler of mine & peanut butter, as is blog surfin... ironic, I know. When it's just me, I do not honor my mother or father. I doubt. I feel stinkin sorry for myself. I feel inadequate - not enough stuff, not pretty enough, not in shape enough, not talented enough - for cryin out loud, we could go all day. I feel... well itchy, a sensation that doesn't really go away when we in and of ourselves try to scratch it. Not physically (usually!), but that annoyed and out of wack feeling that has no real self-reliant fix.

And, I'm sure there's someone, maybe just one of you that might nod your sweet head, and say... me too. I'm sucky apart from my Lord.

But then there's the grand news.
With Him, In Him, through Him... Him in Me, not because of me and certainly apart from me... I become Holy, solely because He is HOLY. That is a refining miracle that I fall short of understanding.

When I attempt to share what seems like wisdom-given or what the Lord is graciously achieving in spite of myself, please know, that my goal is to humbly communicate, because I stink and He is GOOD.
And I know that hooked up to THE VINE... I am beautiful, I am set apart, I am loved beyond comprehension. I am saved, and I am destined for plans filled with HOPE and my Jesus.

Glory, Lord. Remove me. Glory.

I'm shaking my head and seriously cracking up

2008-05-13T19:34:00.001-07:00

This is my friend, Katie... no wait, Ruby (as seen on Elle's blog). I HAD to link this.
enjoy

like the last 2 on page 53

2008-05-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

"The roads around Burton are a plethora

of Norman Rockwell's Americana --
apple orchards, dilapidated gristmills, craft stores, comb honey, smoked
bacon, Coca-Cola, the Marlboro man, and cold beer at every turn. Vintage
cars painted in rust dot the pastures that flow with creeks, cows, and
horses. All summer long, hay bales rolled into one-ton mounds sit big as
shacks, covered in white plastic like melted snowmen until the winter cold
sheds their coat and feeds them to the livestock. And farmers, those whose lives are connected to the lake yet uninterested in it, sit atop green or red tractors beneath dusty brimmed hats, roll cigarettes, and pull at the earth for one more year like a pig suckling the hind teat.
And God?
He's in these hills because we are. No matter how far you run, you can't shake Him. Maybe Davis and I know that best, but Emma knew it first, and Saint Augustine said it best:
You stir man to take pleasure in praising You, because You have made us
for Yourself, and our heart is restless until it rests in You."
-Last 2 paragraphs on p. 53 of When Crickets Cry by
Charles Martin (EXCELLENT READ AND AUTHOR - HIGHLY
RECOMMENDED!)

I know this place. Well, not Burton... not Georgia either. These hills in "my parts" roll with sand, blanketed with rusty shades of pinestraw; apple orchards replaced with Mac's Pride peaches and there's not so much in the way of a lake around, moreso, a burnt sienna crayon-shade of a river, and winding creeks with names like "Huckleberry."

This is where we are now, me and my babes.

My nose stuck way up to these familiar sights and smells. Creeks stink. Pinestraw is itchy. And sand, not so pleasant once covered with crabgrass, baby pines, their daddy tree's cones, and sandhills critters. "Nope, not for me. I'm outta of here, when I graduate, and heck no, I'm not comin back." One of many wrongo statements my 17 yr-old mouth and/or brain voiced.

I see the beauty in what once annoyed... not because I've simply matured or enlightened myself by some means.

St. Augustine said it in gorgeous fashion. No need to repeat. I rest in Him. Send me to Africa, and I will have rest. Send me to Nova Scotia (random) and I will have rest.

Speakin of... it's bedtime. Oh and, more to come on how I'm a super sinful, gross, girl without Jesus! just wanted you to know that there is NO high horse here.

Also, precious picture of Belle picking strawberries.

10 for today

2008-05-11T10:40:00.000-07:00

1. Breakfast in bed...

I had already gotten up and then was told to go back to the bed. :) It included microwavable sausage biscuits, applesauce, and a brownie with icecream and hershey syrup! (I kid you not - they know me so well!!!)

2. I was praying for the right spirit about having nursery duty during worship on Mother's Day. I'm gonna be blatantly honest, when I got that reminder card in the mail I thought... "oh, suck." and the Lord was so good and super merciful and sent a chunky 5 month-old for me to get to hold, feed, change, and walk around with the whole time. Belle and Christian (my helpers) were also enthralled with the baby.

(side note: I am out of practice with those onsie snaps! I thought... man this is taking forever. I used to be able to breastfeed one, while snapping the other.)

3. Hanging flower baskets for my front porch. I now have an ounce of curb appeal.

4. Bill's Barbecue - (local BBQ buffet - arguably one of the best ever!) guilt free

5. Naptime after this post. Also, guilt free.

6. Fresh set of handprint art from Sunday School and red paint all over Christian's khakis

7. Loving and undeserved words from my friend, Katie. I'm so glad you're stuck with the A-names for now. I love each of your children deeply. I didn't know I could care for someone else's babies so. Thank you.

8. My mom, her faith, her love for me and my children, and her love of the Lord. I don't doubt any of these things. I never have ever wondered if my mother loved me, if she supported me, if she prayed for me. I've always KNOWN these things, deeply and certainly. I understand the parental nature of my Heavenly Father's love, because He provided a model in her.

9. Seeing the Lord's blessings of Belle and Christian and the 4-6 years we've had together. They bring just about as much earthly joy as two little humans could, gift-wrapped with strawberry-blond hair. Nearly every other blog post offers faithful support, so I won't go on and on and on... but I could.

10. Where the Lord has brought me as a mother - 7 years in the making.

Remembering Connor, my first son, the first time I felt his kicks after a bowl of mac & cheese, knowing that physical moment was at the height of remarkable. And then, my first Mother's Day, when my heart ached intensely and I wept during baby dedication, as my child was held in heaven. Thinking back to that dear man, nearly a stranger, who knew my story... the one, that wasn't scared to look at me and my mascara streaked face, and say in the kindest of ways, "Happy Mother's Day."

He knew. My God did. I remember how my Father dearly loved me and picked up that man (I don't even know his name), walked him over, opened his mouth, and gave me His message. I love you, brokenhearted one.

May I always be sensitive to the brokenhearted, especially on this day. Friend, if you're aching for a mother, or a child, whether conceived, conceived and lost through death or to the darkness of this world... or for the child yet conceived or received, the Lord is close. So close.

Psalm 34:18 (New International Version)
18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

and another promise:

5 Those who sow in tears

will reap with shouts of joy.

6 Though one goes along weeping, carrying the bag of seed,

he will surely come back with shouts of joy, carrying his sheaves. (Psalm 126:5-6 HCSB)

Lord, I PRAISE YOU for evidence of these promises in my life.

To those of you with heavy hearts, I pray these promises for you. Truly, you are so precious, and in a world of breakfast-in-bed, flowers, buffet dinners and silly cards and everyone carrying on, He sees you, as if it was only you; He sees your wounded heart, and boy, OH boy, does He comfort... does He heal. Our Father is so good.

And to my sweet sweet friends that do currently bear the title, "Mother," I love sharing this adventure with you. Happy Mother's Day!

Playing school

2008-05-08T19:33:00.000-07:00

I attempted to make a real dinner tonight, and suggested Belle & Christian play for a few minutes while I got things together. Well, I failed to get specific, which resulted in them literally running around the house and what they call "karate." Neither were "wise choices" on their parts. So, I said in haste, "why don't you guys go play school or something." (It was not a sweet, patience-filled conversation). I overheard Christian saying he didn't want to play school. And then I heard Belle say something like this... "well, at this school we have pizza every day and you get to play outside and eat popcorn all the time..."

I don't have to tell you who took on the role of "teacher."

I tuned the rest out for the most part. From what i could hear (we have an older home... no open floor plan here!), Christian was quite compliant, even though there wasn't any REAL pizza or outside activity or popcorn. :)

We did have a decent meal, and then they bathed, and I brushed wet hair, and read a book, and practiced letter sounds with Christian, and we prayed (had a conversation about the Lord's protection, because Belle is pretty convinced that a "bad guy" is going to be standing outside of our house at 8:00 PM), and we tucked with lots of hugs and kisses, OH and flossed for the first time since the week of our last dentist appointment which was a couple months ago.

It was super busy, but so good.

But, then as I was doing the nightly clean up and went into the living room (which is separate from the main traffic area), I saw this:

Their "school."

They had drug these chairs all in a row, pulled out specific animals for the school, and each fluffy guy had his/her own crayon and piece of paper.

It was pretty much the cutest thing I'd seen.

I love Ruby!

2008-05-07T20:28:00.000-07:00

I signed myself up as a member of Katie's movement. I think I have to start calling her Ruby to help out with the cause. I'm okay with that.
There's a link to her on my site.

the art of losing myself and bringing you praise

2008-05-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

So many of you have likely heard this song... some amazing precious friends led my church in worship to "From the Inside Out." The widget is on my page. play it!

Not only does it echo my delight in corporate worship because I'm sooooo DELIGHTED IN MY LORD!!!! But it hits at the heart of where I am. As an earthly "artist" of sorts... oh, to learn this art, of the death of me. I invision the bonfire of canvases, brushes, and see a masterpiece, void of myself, created before time made perfect for all time... how can this be?

daily this is my cry

my soul cries out

AND THE CROWD GOES WILD

2008-05-05T18:11:00.000-07:00

Click download to play a song to the right and read on, if possible.

Mass celebration is a personal favorite. I'm a Gamecock. Love you Clemson fans and others who could care less about either SC alliance (that's right, I said love you, so return the love - keep reading). For those who have shamelessly and heartily worn the garnet and black, though, (it is a rather classy combo, you gotta admit), there is a moment that thrills. The drums pound, the brass shrills... 2001 vibrates the 80,000+.... dun, dunn, dunnnnn, dun da (loud roar); ...dun, dunnnn, dun, DUN DAHHHHHHH, (more roars, excessive coed jumping-in-place) dun, dun, dun,... dun, dun, dun,... dun, dun, DUN, DUNNNN, DAHHHHHHH!!!!! Okay left out some duns and dahs, but I know some of you sang it in your heads. For me, that rocks. I LOVE IT! How fun.

My sweet, lovely friend gave me some mixed CDs a couple weeks ago. She declared them, "the greatest thing ever," as she handed them to me. She was right. I've already worn the worship one out, trekking it across the scenic and notso routes of Chesterfield County. Chris Tomlin's I Stand Amazed (How Marvelous) has accompanied some slightly dangerous, one-handed driving, because the truth leads me to Praise! But, additionally, the live recording, sends chills...

I absolutely delight in hearing masses praising our LORD.

Please, let me pause to say, that I do not want in any perverse way, to make an idol out of worshipping. Worshiping worship is an easy one for me to slip into. But OH worshipping my God is soooo good.

Let me scoop up these thoughts and bring them all together into the image I've rested upon many times this past week:

Heaven. the billions there, who believe in the one true God, the ONE true Savior, His children, brought into the fullness of mercy and the embodiment of grace. I thought of the raging sound that Williams Brice rings out, when one side roars "GAME" and the other bellows "COCKS" and I envision that sound multiplying until the actual reverberation would be deafening to carnal ears, and I then replace those silly words and conceive of these

HOLY!!!!! HOLY!!!! HOLY!!!!

And all of the angels and the beauty of their harmony and echos... American Idol kids knock my socks off.... and they are but a shadow, but sea foam of the OCEAN of sound that will engulf our heavenly senses. HOLY HOLY HOLY, ARE YOU LORD GOD ALMIGHTY. And every tongue and every nation and every voice shall say.

dude. OHHHH!!!! I could shake you with excitement!!!!!

1 ...I saw the Lord seated on a throne, high and
exalted, and the train of his robe filled the temple. 2 Above him were seraphs,
each with six wings: With two wings they covered their faces, with two they
covered their feet, and with two they were flying. 3 And they were calling to
one another:
"Holy, holy, holy is the LORD Almighty;
the whole earth is full of his glory."
4 At the sound of their voices the doorposts and thresholds shook and the temple was filled with smoke.
Isaiah 6:1-4

2008-04-28T19:32:00.000-07:00

Okay... so I got that haircut, and I like it. I like it right after I fix it, but then the top gets too poofy from humidity or something, creating a scary effect, so it ends up in the ponytail. I'm pretty sure by June it'll be awesome. I had a kid take these with my work camera while we were painting.

This face was posed...

hehe

Me and some precious babies. I was taking pics of them for Mother's Day art & we decided to take some group shots.

Choice words

2008-04-27T17:33:00.000-07:00

"Looks like you've lost a bit of weight." That's what a 60-something yr-old woman in the row behind me chose to say during the "Tell-someone-good-morning-time!" at worship this morning. After she gave me a knowing look... I thought, what in this world? haha! I don't even have a clue what her name is, but she's been observing my weight or was simply tired of just saying "good morning" and smiling. (by the way, I haven't really lost weight... maybe a lb. or two, but nothin for anyone but my morning scale to take notice of. I just had on a belted shirt and it made me look smaller and I didn't have a huge 4 yr-old attached to my already plentiful hips, cause he was the "helper" with Gran in the nursery that morning...) sorry. Stick with me. There is a point coming here. I am quite certain that this lovely lady (I say that only with a slight edge - for humor's sake, of course) meant well. She was giving me a compliment. But okay, let's admit it, us insecure females hear this: "You used to be a bit chubby, nice to see you lost a few."

Short sentences - words strung together - create immediate impact for the recipients.

Two weeks earlier. I was at the Dollar Store in a giganto line. YES, it was the ONLY lane open in the place and Belle & Christian were in tow. They've pretty much outgrown the stuff that you can strap them too like the good ole days of strollers and carts that their hineys fit comfortably in, so they trail behind... the little wandering ducklings that they are. The Dollar Store line is a feast for the eyes of any child aged 4-6... heck even I can find stuff that I suddenly feel the urge to need. So, as I gazed upon some cheesy magnets stuck on the checkout pole, Belle pondered over the beauty of tacky jewelry, while Christian found yet another weapon he desired. This time it was a suction-cupped, dart throwing, bow & arrow - thingy. He REALLY REALLY wanted it. Okay, I'm no mommy-pro, but I'm not even tempted to give in to these things, especially not in the line. I ooohed and aaaahhed over the trashcan-destined toy, calling it "really cool," and told Christian he could pick up 100 pinecones and come back and buy it himself. "NOW, go put it back up, sweetheart." He did it. phew.
The lady behind me, also a 60-something member, said, "You handled that beautifully." Oh, that was sooooo precious to hear! After you wrestle purchases and a list, (either mental or on paper) admist saying no, and being thoroughly interested in what your children have to say about EVERYTHING (mine are super verbal!!!!), you just feel dang worn out. I cannot tell you how grateful I was for her encouraging words. Those will replay and inspire me for weeks... if not, years to come. Her words were from the Lord.

Speaking of some of HIS:

Proverbs 16:24
Pleasant words are a honeycomb,
sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.

Proverbs 13:3
He who guards his lips guards his life, but he who
speaks rashly will come to ruin.
Unfortunately there are some words that have been spoken both to me AND FROM MY MOUTH, that were far more sinister and hurtful than those of lady #1.
(Trust me, her's were puzzling, but no big deal.)
I praise the Lord for His grace to forgive and restore.
Let us remember, my sweet friends; old ladies like to voice their opinions... they're not alone. Think honey, Honey!

Psalm 141:3 Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips.

red socks with soccer balls

2008-04-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

When I was in high school, I had pictures of Baby Gap ads as part of my notebook cover "collages". Weird. I know. I also at one point drew pictures of Star Wars characters. My friend Adair was a partner in crime. We were strange... quirky maybe. We liked ourselves, though. But I digress.

I really believed that I would grow up, give birth, and dress by babies in Baby Gap clothing... maybe with some Gymboree thrown in there... oh and Polo. YEAH RIGHT! And! Even if I did (like had the funds to do so), my son would still provide mommy pride-sucking, personal wardrobe choices.

This morning he came out to the car in a brown shirt with like gold and orange stripes on the sleeves, jean shorts, long RED SOCKS WITH SOCCER BALLS ON THEM, and BLACK shoes. I remembered what so many other moms had told me. "It's not worth it!" And I didn't send him back in to change. He thought he looked good. And he did look crazy cute... in a weirdo way.

When I picked up my precious boy, he was the dirtiest kid - as always. Here is some proof. I'm not sure if it does complete justice.

I love Christian!!! I love that he doesn't look like the Baby Gap or Polo Kids ad. (although got to admit the kid in the upperright is cute)

HAIRCUT!!!

2008-04-22T19:43:00.000-07:00

I gave my wonderful hairstylist this pic of Reese Witherspoon. And the result...

um, I praying that I don't wake up and find this:

Seriously. I'll let you know... or if you see me, YOU'LL KNOW.

Going Places

2008-04-22T18:38:00.000-07:00

On a pilgrimmage... learning to sing:

Psalm 121
The LORD Our Protector
A song of ascents.

1 I raise my eyes toward the mountains.
Where will my help come from? (A)

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth. (B)

3 He will not allow your foot to slip; your Protector will not slumber. (C)

4 Indeed, the Protector of Israel does not slumber or sleep. (D)

5 The LORD protects you; the LORD is a shelter right by your side. (E) [a]

6 The sun will not strike you by day,
or the moon by night. (F)

7 The LORD will protect you from all harm;
He will protect your life. (G)

8 The LORD will protect your coming and going
both now and forever. (H)

"Psalm 121 [paints] beautiful brushstrokes the image of a traveler on his journey. He looks at the hills in the distance, wondering and probably even fearing what might be on the other side. He anticipates the long, arduous journey ahead and, like all of us, wishes he could arrive in teh blink of an eye rather than feel the effects of life on the road." -B. Moore

-was reading this and the question was later posed:

What connection do you see betweeen taking an uncertain journey and wanting a reminder that your LORD is the uncontested Maker of heaven and earth?

Physically to any onlooker, I'm going nowhere. There is no 5 year plan - i have peace in that.

Tomorrow, I'll wake up and drive to Chesterfield, SC and teach a whole lot of precious children.

I'll come home and Belle, Christian, & I will do what we usually do.

I entitled this blog "my dot on His line" in reference to seeing my life in perspective of His eternal timeline, physically here in the "church age" awaiting the kingdom to come. but as I was driving to my ordinary, country school this morning, I thought...

Oh to go places in my faith! To look at 4/22/08 and say, look where my heart went with the LORD! Where... I might remain in a county, who's latest growth is marked by the ONE Wal-Mart being upgraded to the status of "super," (very willing to go elsewhere, as sent!) BUT experience what it means to KNOW Him here. Where will I go tomorrow? Where will He lead me!? Could we dare to desire to know the LORD, the Maker of heaven & earth, the covenant establisher, builder, redeemer more intimately than anyone else? Shocking statement, I know. But not for the sake of claiming the title, "closest-to-God-person-on-earth!," but with the HUMBLE desire of saying, "Lord, I want to be that dear woman, the one after Your heart, the one that knows You so intimately, to hear your secrets, because Lord it is just so GOOD and because I want to honor Your desire, because i want to die to me and be Yours, be Yours in a way like no other, solely because You are NO OTHER.

Protector is especially sweet to me right now. John will be on a plane headed back to Afghanistan in the morning. I have certain peace for his safety. Please pray for peace that passes understanding for the heart of John.

SLOW AS DIRT

2008-04-19T20:57:00.000-07:00

Every time I drive between Bethune and Camden (en route to Columbia) I end up behind someone who is AS SLOW AS DIRT! Now, I know that there are laws, speed limits we all should obey. Sure. Personally, I like the unsaid 5 over the speed limit rule. It feels safe; the cops don’t seem to mind.
But those who are on their way to… perhaps NOWHERE in this little corridor of Highway 1 do not observe the speed limit. Oh no. They drive at a pace “a-suitin-them, I reckon.” (no offense to your country grandma)
So slow in fact, that I pondered this post’s topic, jotted down a few notes, thinking I could type the darn thing, while driving, if I’d had my laptop, at the well-under speed limit rate at which we were “truckin” (pun very much intended – see pics). At the time of my mulling of these ideas, there were at least 4 other cars in front of me. I, #5 in line, seemed to be the only car with a sense of urgency… or a place to be, perhaps! Cars, number 1, 2, 3, and 4 all were at ease in their lackluster velocity (OBVIOUSLY, as there was ample opportunity to pass, with clear vision of the 2-laner), leaving me thinking…

One could easily argue that a post on “speeding up” in a culture that drastically needs to take measures to “slow down” would be a backwards suggestion. I agree… to an extent. But here’s what God laid on my heart, while I took hold of the patience He grants me and giggled over my own thoughts – until thank the Lord, I got to I-26!:

Some things are worth moving toward at an adequate pace, as if you plan on getting somewhere!!

Here are some quick examples worthy of much more in depth study. (well, duh they’re from God’s Word, but you know what I’m sayin.)

This morning I was in the Patriarchs filling in a Bible Study day I had left blank, where God destroys Sodom and Gomorrah. God had this to say to Lot about swiftness:
22 But flee there quickly, because I cannot do anything until you reach it…” Genesis 19:22

From what I understand, the Hebrew form means “hasteth, hastily, at once, quickly, soon, speedily, suddenly.”
Moving when God says, “MOVE!” is for our own well-being. In Lot’s case, it was life or death.

Then there’s this in the New Testament:
Matthew 28:7 "Then go quickly and tell his disciples: 'He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.' Now I have told you."
Here, I’m not sure which Greek definition of “quickly” actually applies. But once again… they all speak, MOVE IT!.. in the now.
See for yourself:

tacheos takh-eh'-oce adverb from 5036; briefly, i.e. (in
time) speedily, or (in manner) rapidly:--hastily, quickly, shortly, soon,
suddenly.
5032. tachion takh'-ee-on neuter singular of the comparative of
5036 (as adverb); more swiftly, i.e. (in manner) more rapidly, or (in time) more
speedily:--out (run), quickly, shortly, sooner.
5033. tachista takh'-is-tah
neuter plural of the superlative of 5036 (as adverb); most quickly, i.e. (with
5613 prefixed) as soon as possible:--+ with all speed.

Okay and then I looked up “urgent.” I expected to discover more end times scripture with that word, but it resulted in scripture about what the Macedonian churches were LEARNING! Read this (emphasis added by me) and then check out the concluding definition of the Greek for “urgent.”

2 Corinthians 8
1And now, brothers, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. 2Out of the most severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. 3For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, 4they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the saints. 5And they did not do as we expected, but they gave themselves first to the Lord and then to us in keeping with God's will. 6So we urged Titus, since he had earlier made a beginning, to bring also to completion this act of grace on your part. 7But just as you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us[a]—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.

10And here is my advice about what is best for you in this matter: Last year you were the first not only to give but also to have the desire to do so. 11Now finish the work, so that your eager willingness to do it may be matched by your completion of it, according to your means. 12For if the willingness is there, the gift is acceptable according to what one has, not according to what he does not.

4441. punthanomai poon-than'-om-ahee middle voice prolonged
from a primary putho (which occurs only as an alternate in certain tenses); to
question, i.e. ascertain by inquiry (as a matter of information merely; and thus
differing from 2065, which properly means a request as a favor; and from 154,
which is strictly a demand for something due; as well as from 2212, which
implies a search for something hidden; and from 1189, which involves the idea of
urgent need); by implication, to learn (by casual intelligence):--ask, demand,
enquire, understand

“…implies a search for something hidden, which involves the idea of urgent need.”
Oh, you mean like Proverbs 2:3-5!:

3 and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,
4 and if you look for it as for silver
and search for it as for hidden treasure,
5 then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the
knowledge of God.

Come on, let’s urgently seek like the Macedonians. They were urgent to give… to learn about giving. Wow. And Paul, furthers that by urging them to wrap up their work.

Nutshell of what I'm beginning to grasp:
1) Move your tail when He’s trying to save you. Critical delay (and unbelief) for Lot’s son-in-laws equaled smithereens.
2) Stop sitting there marveling at that empty tomb and go tell somebody!!!! Go quickly.
3) Learn. Let’s learn like time is of the essence, cause, sister, it is… like there’s a destination worthy of speed, haste, departure even.

4) That going 40 or even 45 in a 55 gets on other people’s nerves, and should not be perpetrated unless one owns a truck that looks like the pictures of these I took today (yes, while driving… it was slow!), or maybe if there’s something giant hanging out your trunk. That will be greatly appreciated.

Lord, thank you for your WORD. I do not deserve the way(S!) you teach me. Thanks for the giggles along the way. I know You crack up and that delights me so!

Milk it!

2008-04-15T19:52:00.000-07:00

In the past few days I've felt a bit like a youth kid who just got back from camp...

You know... you get home and realize "crap, I still don't get along with my mom, and I felt so spiritually empowered and close to the Lord two days ago."

And, I'm thinking... this is it. This is where I strap on my big-girl, faith britches (read that one with the R please.. hehe), and choose to milk this season and not get lost in the day to day when the high of the initial miracles wears away. I must, of course, seek the Lord to strengthen my faith, and pray

2 Chronicles 16:9For the eyes of the LORD range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him. ...that I'm one of those hearts that He sees.

I'm stealing (borrowing!) some words from just someone that I quote so often, cause she just puts what I've thought or haven't had the wisdom to think or recieve... so well.

Here ya go (straight from the LPM blog - link on my web, today):

God Is On The Move!
Hey, you most darling of all Siestas! I hope you guys are doing well and seeing some fresh revelations of Jesus in His Word and in the blooming Spring. In my own quiet time this morning out on my back porch, God spoke to me about getting the "full measure" (those are the two words I kept hearing in my spirit) of God out of every trial or season. In other words, if I have to be in it, I want every drop of God I can get out of it. Milk that thang, Girls. Milk that thang. He didn't allow you to be in that situation for nothing. (Beth Moore)

ummm... hence the hilarious cow pic - don't be offended.

It's me again. I just read that and think. Hey, you're in a season. My friend Natalie is in newborn season. My friend Katie is in bedrest season. My friend Jessi is in newborn, new life on new coast season. My friend Kate is in gonna get married soon season. My friend Kortney is in moving to Penn (i think!) season. I'm in... woowee - what do I call this season!? These seasons can overwhelm us with lessons filled with crazy joy and achy anger and tired, and giddy, and weary, and... and... And I'm a bit too tired to be poetic here. Girl, (or guy out there) these lessons, these scriptures that leap out, these new perspectives, this rush of "OH yeah... wow," they are here for us NOW. Yes - even in "silent season."

I had a serious gush last week... wrote about it. And it was INCREDIBLE. But I'm squeezing this one. I don't want to miss a thing. There's much more to be learned! So I'll echo Beth's Texas words, "MILK THAT THANG."

haha

Just did a bit of light research.

I invite you to dig much deeper. (i.e. checking out verses within context, etc.)

Here's what I found and selected as stand-outs for me, personally.

Ezekiel 34:26I will bless them and the places surrounding my hill. I will send down showers in season; there will be showers of blessing.Ezekiel 34:25-27 (in Context) Ezekiel 34 (Whole Chapter)
Daniel 2:21He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning
Acts 14:17Yet he has not left himself without testimony: He has shown kindness by giving you rain from heaven and crops in their seasons; he provides you with plenty of food and fills your hearts with joy."

Result of search for "season":
655 'ophen o'-fen from an unused root meaning to revolve; a turn, i.e. a season:--+ fitly.
2165 zman zem-awn' from 2163; an appointed occasion:--season, time.

"Full Measure":
John 17:13"I am coming to you now, but I say these things while I am still in the world, so that they may have the full measure of my joy within them.John 17:12-14 (in Context) John 17 (Whole Chapter)
Romans 15:29I know that when I come to you, I will come in the full measure of the blessing of Christ.Romans 15:28-30 (in Context) Romans 15 (Whole Chapter)
Ephesians 3:19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.Ephesians 3:18-20 (in Context) Ephesians 3 (Whole Chapter)
Ephesians 4:13until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.Ephesians

4053. perissos per-is-sos' from 4012 (in the sense of beyond); superabundant (in quantity) or superior (in quality); by implication, excessive; adverbially (with 1537) violently; neuter (as noun) preeminence:--exceeding abundantly above, more abundantly, advantage, exceedingly, very highly, beyond measure, more, superfluous, vehement(-ly).
4057. perissos per-is-soce' adverb from 4053; superabundantly:--exceedingly, out of measure, the more.
5234. huperballontos hoop-er-bal-lon'-toce adverb from present participle active of 5235; excessively:--beyond measure.
5249. huperperissos hoop-er-per-is-soce' from 5228 and 4057; superabundantly, i.e. exceedingly:--beyond measure.

Okay, I’m don’t know which of these definitions applies to which verse. I invite you to research that yourself! I need to. But I wanted to throw this out there. My goal is to seriously seek excessive wisdom, excessive love, to receive humbly all that is promised for this time, which revolves… Praise You that they revolve. We’re not stuck! Also, that they are appointed… we’re not on some Wheel of Fortune, season spin. It’s come your way via love and a message, of “this is for YOU for NOW.”

Lord I praise you for this appointed season. May I receive the blessings, the lessons, offer Your Glory to its full measure. I see in Your Word that this is Your desire for us Lord, and I’m in agreement, saying, “Yes! I want that.” Teach me how to receive that kind of overflow in my life.

PRAISE YOU LORD - Abel and Katie are "bedresting"

2008-04-14T08:41:00.000-07:00

Yay!!! Got the word - they're being wheeled out of the hospital right now. Katie will be on bedrest for the remainder of her pregnancy, while baby boy grows and grows.
It's so fun to announce answered prayers.
I love it.

Pray for Abel!!!

2008-04-13T17:51:00.000-07:00

My PRECIOUS friend, Katie is 30 weeks pregnant, and the Lord has incredible plans for the baby boy she carries. I'm praising Him for Abel's extraordinary entrance into our world... in advance.

Right now, Katie's water has broken. They'll know in the morning what the next days and weeks will look like. We're praying for bedrest for 4+ weeks. Join me!

Praise you Lord, that you prove Yourself ABLE.

Lord you are who you say you are; God of wonders blow us away.

(a link to her blog is on my page.)

"Inseparable housemates that offer hospitality to hope"

2008-04-10T14:03:00.000-07:00

Blown away. Filled to overflowing. Bursting with joy. Energy that doesn’t make sense.
That’s where I’ve been. That’s where I am. Haven’t always… oh no, it’s been bad, really bad at times.
First thing, I’ve gotta say is this!:
Friend, if you’re tired, if you’re hurting, if it looks bleak, if your worn… to tears, if pain is gripping, if you’re deafened by the silence, if lonely is camping darkness or sadness on your heart, if you’re terrified, weighed down by guilt…
If you don’t know what in the world to do, if your heart aches and you’d rather sleep and the next breath is a trial, if you’re disillusioned by the mundane or perhaps the evil that you see (or anything in between), if you don’t even feel like you can talk to the Lord, much less seek Him for help, if you’re mad that everyone else is doing so well, or hurt that someone you love isn’t…

I’ve been there.

AND GOD IS FAITHFUL.
When I picture His LOVE, I get this image of a rider on horseback. The horse's muscles strong and sure, flexed purposefully. The rider, unseen… certain. A vision of One pursuing, galloping, mud flying as the horse’s hooves hammer the ground. I hear the horse breathing vigorously, powerfully, not out of desperation, but with the goal of LOVE.
That is how I feel His pursuit.

The current lesson:
Galatians 5:22-23 (New Living Translation)
22 But the Holy Spirit produces this kind of fruit in our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.

There is no law against these things!

Romans 5:5 (New International Version)
5And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.

I'm learning that love is beyond a choice, far beyond emotion; it's our call. The highest call.

I am discovering what that looks like in reality. What sacrificial love can mean.
I used to view selfless love as actual acts... you know - doing the chore, nobody else wants to do, giving a gift rather than buying something, or going to the movie I didn't want to see...
(by the way, I wasn't so good at those either).

Now I see a deeper element. True sacrifice is the willingness to invite the pain that love requires. Loving in the face of rejection. Loving in the face of doubt. Loving in the face of loss. Loving because the LORD called you to - with no other bonus in sight. The sacrifice of putting your heart on the line
"...is a daily commitment of the will to vacate the heart's premises of its own preferential affections and make its chambers fleshy canteens for the liquid love of God. Yes, it's still a challenge, but it's no longer the impossible dream. We live by faith. We love by faith. Faith and love are inseparable housemates that offer hospitality to hope. When we lose our faith to love, we lose the energy to love. Then we lose our hope." (B. Moore)

Sweet friends... when I started this blog, I told you of a hand knocking with all its might.
Now, let me tell you about big time amazement... undeserved and overwhelming, sweeping wind and rushing "liquid love."

PRAISE HIM.
"Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. Again he prayed, and the heavens gave rain, and the earth produced its crops." James 5:17-18
A man - JUST LIKE US. Claim it.

WORD 2 THE FATHER! :)

2008-04-07T19:55:00.000-07:00

"... I mean it's like that yall"
LOVE IT!
Our God is soooo ABLE. He blows me away with His amazing ACTIVE answer to prayers.
It just makes me want to silly old school rap. Dance to this one!!!!
http://piashantee.imeem.com/music/knsl8it5/dc_talk_word_2_the_father/
pump, pump, pump it up
HAHA

I dare you.

2008-04-04T08:31:00.000-07:00

I want you to read this.

I want you to turn off your tv for a week... pick a Monday-Friday at least. I'm daring you!
Don't stop reading. Hear me out for a few more lines.

I like tv. I have some shows that brighten up that particular weekday when I realize that they are available for my viewing pleasure that evening. I'm a fan of the Biggest Loser, of What Not to Wear, other HGTV shows (like those house flipping ones), Extreme Home Makeover - I'm a sucker for a makeover of any kind.

Okay, what's good about tv? Lots. Sure. There are shows that inform, shows that inspire, and yes you can have some good times watching a game with friends, or that show that you just LOVE for whatever reason.

I hear you. I agree. Close your eyes and try to imagine the content of the shows you watch or know exist. Think morning to night line ups of most major networks.

Now, let's consider the following truth with an open mind; soak these in:
2People will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boastful, proud, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3without love, unforgiving, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not lovers of the good, 4treacherous, rash, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God— 5having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with them.
6They are the kind who worm their way into homes and gain control over weak-willed women, who are loaded down with sins and are swayed by all kinds of evil desires, 7always learning but never able to acknowledge the truth.
(2 Tim. 3)

Shoot, these verses COULD very well me describing me without Jesus. I'm playing no "holier than thou role" here. I'm asking.
Am I a weak-willed woman? What am I allowing to WORM it's way into my home?
Look, every word above describes our culture. And I highlighted verse 5, because having a form of godliness but denying its power may very well be the most dangerous. Yikes.

I want to be relevant! But, I can tell you this. If I err, let it be on the side of being more irrelevant to our culture than to my God.

Hey, I know this isn't comfort-reading, nor is it a new suggestion. It's a dare.
Please PROVE ME WRONG. Let me know how your life becomes dismal without the TV.
I have a sneaky suspesion that you will find a crazy amount of minutes to do some real life, get some much needed rest, or just be still before the Lord.

The scariest part for me is how scary it is to consider my upcoming week of notta, no shows. Big black screen, quiet house, and just me. I like to fill the quiet void with noisy yuck. There is a problem when my grip is that tight.

Let's loosen them, one by one. Did you say "no thanks." Be bold enough to ask yourself, why not?
Psalm 46:10"Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth."

let's do this thing

2008-04-03T19:17:00.000-07:00

I have no business blogging right now. I'm putting off packing. All I want to be doing is sleeping. But I need to share - at least a tidbit of the POWER of which I've been an unlikely witness.
Unlikely - I mean... I'm so stinkin selfish, so prone to wander - that sounds too "pretty." Heck, I'm prone to grossness. This woman is scary without Jesus. I am insecure as all getout. And, well, that could be 4 descriptive sentences followed by a litany of other true statements which would frame me accurately.
haha - I just had a monster truck image flash through my mind. OKAY, you KNOW that you have lived in rural SC for possibly too long, when that comes through. But seriously, my LORD enables monster truck smashing on my stack... no, my heaping piles of raw, achy wounded, "frames." (for the unnecessary record: I have never attended such an event. Maybe I should).

In case you think I've lost it - I'll continue and stop soon. Be not alarmed.
So now that that is straight. Let me tell you what my God, has been showing me.

I told Him, "Lord, I'll take it! I'll take plan A, plan B, or plan C for my life. As long as it is YOUR plan, I'll take it! I want YOU." Of course, if a plan Q or something comes along, that will be quite fine as well. Here I am, 26. We don't have time to sit and wish or boowoo over the might have beens. Geez, let's do this thing! Let's dare to say, OKAY, that sounds amazing... most likely trembling as we say it, but meaning it. I do not know much beyond my intentions tomorrow. I have a hazy glimpse beyond that. But, I have CONFIDENCE. I declare and claim that I AM PERSUADED THAT HE IS ABLE. It's gonna be good. He said so.

Yesterday, I saw my baby battle... battle with her own sin, and the darkness which can grip us in ways that make us want to scream and cry, even as saved. But I saw my LORD take that battle and teach my child faith - teach her how to ask for forgiveness when every part of her soul desired to stay in sin. Her faith will be taught upon this foundation.
Have you ever been there?
I have. I've wanted to remain in sin.

I saw my children delight in "pretending" to put on the full armor of God. It's fun to play dress-up, especially when it comes to spiritual warfare getups. I mean, how cool is that helmet of Salvation, and how heavy is that belt of truth, and the sharpness of the sword of the spirit, of the Word. Can you hear the clashing?

I don't have enough money this month. For once, I prayed, and took God up on real trust and faith, rather than running solely to chocolate and that sick feeling that credit might be my only solution. Got a call; God is sending it my way. PRAISE HIM.

This is it! Let's do this. Let's look beyond the blanket of classrooms, offices, loads of laundry, of paved roads, and gas stations, of dinners, and see the fight. See the soul in the "face."
I know, I know, I know... trust me I know. There are so many fun, now, pleasures of this world. But sweet one - it's not our home. Please, do not get too comfy. Get excited in this.
"One thing is impossible with God: it is impossible to believe Him in vain."
Look up Habakkuk 3:2. Pray it. Please pray for me right now. As bold as I sound, the second my face fails to look upward, I am as brittle as some thin glass figurine and sooooo likely to fall. Pray that I'll "keep my chin up;" not for optimism, but for a glimpse heavenward to my God, whom I commit myself. I cannot risk looking away.

I'll borrow this from Beth Moore to conclude; it's too powerful not to re-read or share:
"The God to whom you commit yourself and everything that concerns you is huge. He is the omnipotent Maker of heaven and earth. He is the One who sees. He is the One who knows. He is the One who acts on behalf of His children. He is the Mighty Warrior. He is the compassionate Father. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. He is the coming King. He is love. He is light. He is good. He is right. He is your soul's delight. He is ... whatever you need. He alone is wise. In Him alone life makes sense, and apart from Him all is chaos."
Amen!

My beach house

2008-03-30T12:39:00.000-07:00

Not the most gorgeous shade of blue, not the whitest sand this globe has to offer, but it’s “my ocean,” “my sand” and it’s “my little beach house.”

As if preparing itself for “blogdom” or an inanimate, analogical character in a book, my little beach house is named, The Four Seasons. Hidden between The Ritz, a new stately house, with its fresh yellow paint, white columns, and heated pool, and another brand-spanking new trendy-green getaway, my little beach house and another pre-hurricane place (seemingly-abandoned gray thing on stilts), rest. The Four Seasons’ blue-gray paint is beginning to chip again. Its boardwalk was never fully rebuilt after Hugo. She’s a humble thing. My grandmother used to call her a “cottage.” That she is, a cottage by the Garden City, South Carolina sea.

The view of the ocean out the large picture window has changed. It was shockingly strange after Hugo… a parking lot of sand, flat, straight out to the closer ocean. I was carried to that same plot of sand, where I ate and drooled its little grains. I toddled my way up there, crying over sandspurs. My mom let me bring my best little friends along, with our too cool walkmans and early-nineties shades. I remember going out past where I could touch in the ocean, floating on my back with my best-bud Melanie and talking. We made giant sand castles, buried each other countless times over the years. Melanie, my brother Brad, and so many other dear friends shared in all-day, sometimes blistering adventures. I’ve sat on that back porch and looked out at the reflection of the moon, year after year after year. I’ve talked and thought and made long phone calls, rocking away in the breezy evenings.

Now both of my children have drooled the sands of Garden City. They’ve danced in the surf.

A physical place of remembering, I remember how lavishly loved, I’ve been since before birth. I see the rich heritage of my mother’s parents, who purchased “the cottage.” My dear grandfather, his walk with our God – straight into Heaven. My mother and her unyielding strength in raising my brother and me. I see God’s plan for friendships, for heartache, for discipline. I see seasons of dancing-in-the-surf-kind-of joy, of fear, when the undertow felt mighty strong, of intense hurt, of being held so tight, with not a soul around. You just can’t help look at that sky, that sunrise, smell that air and not see Him. For me, on “my” sand this week, I was reminded overwhelmingly, of how tight His grip, His pursuit, His prepared plan, is on my life. I could choke on its weight. His love, resting upon me, straight up through my throat.

From heaven the LORD looks down and sees all mankind; from His dwelling place He watches all who live on earth – He who forms the hearts of all, who considers everything they do. Psalm 33:13-15

Praise Him that He sees me! That He sees you dear friend!!
But a speck on the shore, on a shore of many many many shores. He sees you. Close-up. Intensely.

Do you feel it?
May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in You. (Ps. 33:22)

Enough

2008-03-24T07:06:00.000-07:00

"Mommy, God gave Jesus so much strength that He just didn't die when they put nails in his hands. He gave Him enough strength to say a prayer too, right?" -Belle
Yes, sweetheart, that is exactly right.

"Jesus only had to die one time, right mom?" - Christian
Yep, just one time. (By the way, he repeated this many times, as if trying to wrap his head around it).

I like hearing truth from 4 & 6 yr-olds. God always provides "enough," and Jesus died once. Just once. That too was enough.
Hope you all had an amazing Easter.

p.s.
If you're a facebook user, checkout some awesome pics of our fun Spring Break moments, thus far.

ok, talk about creative

2008-03-21T18:53:00.001-07:00

I can't wrap my mind around a God that takes care of my itty bitty details and makes crazy two-foot starfish.

I'm just sayin.

filling in the gaps

2008-03-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hey friends. I'm exhausted. worn out. pooped. such a good, but long week. but this is a post about glory, God's glory (not specifically the precious baby that was born to my friend Jessi named Glory - see her blog... that's another story). I have big plans for bedtime as soon as this is written, but I wanted to get it out and give God some much due praise.

being tired is something I feel soooo often. i'm reading this fabulous book, my single mom life by angela thomas - more to come one that, but she echos my cry of "I'M EXHAUSTED." But here's the hopeful, praising tone of this blog!!! - my God meets me in my tired and in my dropping of the many plates i attempt to spin.

Here's the short story:
I had a list - a mental list and an actual list of the many things that i needed to get accomplished this week at work and home and church and home and work... :). And I worked my tail off trying to scratch them off one by one. well, I did pretty well. i was up and spent some amazing time with the Lord, loved on my school children this week and tried to give them my all, lots of hugs, lots of praise, lots of patience. I prayed and bit my tongue when speaking with my own children. I called them beautiful, and thanked them for their help around the house. I wasn't "mean mommy" in the mornings. but i still forgot something pretty crucial that was work-related. I needed to call this lady who volunteered to sew together all of these quilt squares my students created. they are being displayed and raffled off in our upcoming art show & had to be sewn over spring break in order to be ready by the deadline. well my children (school children) had done great and we got it done in time, in spite of me being out with the flu family. BUT, she was a major thing on my list of todo's: "CALL QUILT LADY" (so we could meet and she could pick up the quilt squares, bla bla bla.) It was like #7 on the list, but should have been #1. I forgot on Monday. But told myself and rewrote myself a note to call her on Tuesday. I was going to do it when I first got to school, but I forgot. I told myself to call her as soon as I was done with lunch, oops, and then after school on my way home, but yep you get the picture. It was Wed., - crap! I forgot to call that woman. And my God showed up.

In she walked at the most opportune time, without us scheduling it, without an email or message or anything. her timing could not have been more perfect. I don't have planning on Wed., but one of the 8 I teach is a really small class, the best class, and on this day they happened to have a sweet teacher cadet with them... and after I had given out instructions and my children were busily creating, in walks "quilt lady" all smiles. So we picked out all of the best art for the raffled quilts, while teacher cadet took care of my best small class and she left.

And I'm left thinking, "God you are just too good."
There's no happened to it, and while quilt woman is super sweet, I'm giving her only minor credit here. My God is so good. I pray all of the time for my LORD to fill in the gaps for me - in my parenting, in my time-management, in my lack of money, my failure to remember...

and HE DOES. He meets my every tiny need, even thing #7 on the list, and I just wanted to say
PRAISE HIM.
night night :)

If you haven't seen this... you need to.

2008-03-16T19:55:00.000-07:00

http://www.ignitermedia.com/products/iv/singles/4/Thats-My-King

I know that it is finished.

2008-03-16T19:20:00.000-07:00

This song, left my heart beating fast this morning in worship. I couldn't sing it loud enough.
Here is the link. http://www.audiostreet.net/artist.aspx?artistid=12229&mode=music&recordid=51119

Here are the lyrics:

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
To make a wretch His treasure

How great the pain of searing loss,
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the chosen One,
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the Man upon His cross,
My sin upon His shoulders
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice,
Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

6-yr glow

2008-03-13T22:23:00.000-07:00

My sweet Belle is turning 6, officially in a matter of hours. I suppose nearly every mother reflects on her children’s births each year as their special day rolls around. And, I am certainly no different. I think back to 2002, me, age 20, and the excitement, the anticipation of the actual birthing event. But I sit in awe now, an awe that differs from the wonderment of that first encounter, when I held Isabelle Kathryn, my baby, for the first moment. Then, I marveled at the intricacy of her knitting and at my Maker’s physical mark. She was perfect. She was surprising. They never look exactly as you imagine them, but there’s something quite perfect about that. Her hair was… well we weren’t sure, but it turned out to be exactly strawberry-blond. Her nose was turned up in a cute way; she weighed in at 7 lbs. 7.7 oz. His ways are higher from the get go.

Now, my amazement contrasts weightily from the mere wonderment of how marvelous her flesh was made, for it’s a look at her soul that nearly takes my breath away. That amazing body, as beautifully as it was made and as it grows, will one day die. But my Belle, my heart’s little delight, that Belle-girl -- her soul blows me away.
Who am I that you would be mindful of me, Lord? Who am I that you would grant me the joy of not only knowing someone who so purely reflects LIGHT, but then to allow me to be “Mother”, Mommy to that… image of you??? OH GRACE.

Belle glows.
She has a crooked smile; it’s her Gran’s. Belle’s brain operates on levels that surpass the average kindergartners’ and often, I’m pretty sure my own. Belle loves to create. She likes to hoard “treasures”, bits of paper, used boxes. She’s the one that announced, “You know, Mommy, I would really like to have a place of my own to create. A table in the corner of the living room would be lovely.”
Belle enjoys HGTV. She would replace our kitchen with all stainless appliances if it were up to her.
Belle travels in her sleep. She wakes up in all sorts of odd places in her bed. And when she wakes, she can be an absolute grouch. My Belle can become disgustedly fed up with her little brother and her Mommy, and is at many times, quite sure that she is the only sane soul around. (She reminds me of myself in these moments.)

When my Belle prays, she prays to her Lord, not the “God of her Mommy”, Oh Yes!, He is my God, but see, He is the ever active, redeeming God of Isabelle Kathryn, just as He is the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob. Precious girl, your heritage remains in loving the Lord. I sit in awe of your soul, the creation and salvation; He brings Himself glory through you.

Happy Birthday, sweet love.
Praise you Lord.

I told you so...

2008-02-17T13:37:00.000-08:00

We have flu-like symptoms. Sick of windexing (no Lysol around) the germy germs which are likely covering every pillow, doorknob, light-switch, drawer-pull… you name it, in my home, I went out to water my droopy pansies.
Ahhhh… how quickly I forget the way magnificent 70 degrees feels on short-sleeved skin. I watered all the pansies, even refilling the watering can (don’t normally do that). Running back inside, I put Christian down for a nap, and announced to Belle, “Mommy’s going to rake!” I needed more of this glorious outdoor goodness.

Daffodils, they are such a sweet little present each year. I mean, seriously, you’d think by now, we wouldn’t be surprised to see their little green heads pop up. They just seem early, don’t they!? My kids pluck them faster than they can grow. (There’s a delightful drinking glass with three, torn at unique heights, gracing my desk now.)

So, I was raking and thinking about how glad I was to see those little guys (daffodils). Being somewhat sidetracked, I started to pick up a wheelbarrow-full of pinecones and sticks. And you know what I saw, as I repeatedly bent and picked? Little bits of green - green in the midst of the barren brown. The new grass is here! My heart sang "yay!"

Jesus told her, “I am the resurrection and the life.[a] Anyone who believes in me will live," John 11:25

And there was that green and those daffodils, and me thinking of how He makes all things new, and the Lord whispering... I told you so.

p.s. I hear there are storms coming tonight.
…And, I’m okay with that too.